The Meaning of Love
by Rebekah
Summary: After experiencing a very real drug trip, Caroline realizes that the man she has been searching for is right in front of her. Can she ever convince Richard of her true feelings? Chapter 8 is now up.
1. CHAPTER ONE--DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE

These characters do not belong to me, I just like writing about them. If this fanfic resembles any other, it is purely accidental. This is a work in progress. I hope to write continuing chapters when I get time. Chapter one is similar to my last fanfic, "Journey" but written from a different viewpoint and veers off in an entirely different direction. Hopefully it is lighter and has less angst. The journey begins with the episode Caroline and the Bad Trip. Like most journeys in life, much can be learned from them if you just pay attention.  
Rebekah  
  
  
CHAPTER ONE---DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE  
  
  
"Annie, I'm so excited about being on Jay Leno today. I hope my story sounds okay. Did I mention that I couldn't sleep at all last night?" Caroline was practically bouncing up and down on the Los Angeles sidewalk outside LAX.  
  
"Yeah, at least three times already but who's counting? Try to calm down or you'll talk too fast and no one will understand you. You know how you are." Annie was busy trying to flag down a taxi outside the airport. It was hotter here than when they left New York. Annie could feel rivulets of sweat run down her back under her heavy sweater, a poor choice of clothing when arriving on the west coast. She realized that everything in her luggage was pretty much the same.  
  
"Annie, I'm just so ready for an adventure. This trip makes me realize how stale my life is lately. I need some excitement, some thrills."  
  
"Right now I'd settle for a cab and for certain people to quit pushing me." In her loudest threatening tone, she aimed this last part to those behind her. Other exiting passengers kept jostling them and rushing to other available cabs.   
  
"God, Caroline, Los Angeles is as bad as New York. Full of rude people." Another businessman made the mistake of stepping in front of Annie. She ground her 3 inch spiked heel into his foot and rushed for the standing taxi. Caroline ran after her, throwing their bags inside and slamming the door just as the irate man hobbled over and began banging on the window.  
  
"Floor it, mister." She said to the driver.  
  
"Okay, just no violence. You must be from New York." It was merely a statement since he didn't need an answer. It was pretty obvious. "Where you need to go, ladies?"  
  
Annie answered. " NBC studios, the Jay Leno show. And none of those 'shortcuts', buster." The cabbie just smiled, amused.  
  
"Annie, I just want to drive around and see something. We have almost 2 hours before I go on. I want to see Mann's Chinese theatre, Hollywood and--" Caroline's face lit up. "Rodeo Drive. Ohhh, Annie, let's go shopping while we're here. Rodeo Drive is famous. Let's check it out." She was bouncing on the seat with excitement.   
  
"Caroline, I don't think we should. Look at all this traffic. You can't be late for the taping. Driver, just ignore her and take us to the studio." Annie looked over at a disappointed Caroline. "We'll play tourist after the show, kay?"  
  
Caroline nodded. "I'll practice my story again about Jerry Garcia's jacket." She stared down at her notes on the small dotted squares of paper for the umpteenth time. Suddenly, she wasn't feeling so good. Just a little lightheadedness. Probably from jetlag or just pre-show jitters. She shook her head to clear it and started her story again.   
  
Annie rolled her eyes and groaned. "Caroline, not again. I've heard it a million times already."   
  
The taxi driver glanced in the back seat. "Wow, that's Jerry Garcia's jacket, huh? Just what the TV audience needs to hear, another jacket story. Let me tell you what will sell. An embarrassing moment or an indiscretion, something that makes you human. That's the stuff people want to hear about even if it's a lie. Not about an article of clothing from a dead acid freak."   
  
"Listen, it happens to be a very good story and a true story too. I don't need to lie about anything." Caroline was now perched on the front of her seat and was waving her papers at the driver to emphasize her point. He glanced at the sheets in her hand.  
  
"Whoa, do you know what you're holding there, lady?" He turned completely around in his seat. It was a good thing the traffic wasn't moving.  
  
"Yes, just some pieces of paper I found in the pockets of the jacket. I didn't have anything else to write notes on. Why?" she asked defensively.  
  
"You really want to know? If I'm not mistaken, that's acid. That stuff brings back memories. Better watch yourself." He was grinning like the Cheshire cat.   
  
Caroline looked down at her hand. The scraps of paper and even her hand seemed to have shrunk into miniature copies of the originals. As she watched, they morphed back. She shut her eyes. She must have imagined that and the sudden nausea that swept over her. Just the power of suggestion, that's all. She could hear Annie and the cabbie in the distance discussing something, something about her. She snapped back with a jerk of her head. She had to focus...focus...focus. What was the driver saying?  
  
"You mean, you were at Woodstock? Jeez, who would have guessed?" Annie muttered.  
  
"Nope. What I mean is that the stuff really does bring back memories. That's what it does to a person." He started chuckling. "She's soaking it in through her pores. She'll never make it to the monologue. Too bad. This would have made a great story."   
  
"Excuse me, but you're wrong." Annie hotly insisted. The cab driver just shrugged and began whistling under his breath.  
  
Annie and Caroline sat against the back seat in shock. It couldn't be true. He was just trying to scare them. He must have mistaken them for gullible tourists. Annie had had enough. She sat forward and let loose with her colorful opinion of him and cabbies in general. She threw in the city of Los Angeles as well for good measure. While the two of them argued, Caroline leaned her head back against the seat. She just needed to rest, that was all. Then she'd be fine. She'd meet Jay Leno, whom she loved and tell her jacket story. The jacket. Now, who's jacket was it? It was from someone's father, their real father...no, that wasn't it. Someone's long lost father? She shook her head, trying to concentrate. The more she tried to pin down the thoughts, the more elusive they became. She could feel the panic setting in. Someone who didn't know his father? Richard? No, Richard had a father. Charlie? Maybe that was it. Something to do with Charlie....  
  
* * * * *  
  
"Look, Mac, Joe or whatever your name is, cut out the stories. We don't scare so easily. Just drive us to the studios and make it fast." Annie was breathing down his neck.  
  
"Lady, look around you. Where am I supposed to go in this?" He gestured to the vehicles surrounding them on all four sides. It was a typical Los Angeles rush hour gridlock. They were all advancing a car length at a time, and then coming to a stop. "By the way, my name is Robert." He reached his arm across the seat to shake her hand. She ignored him.   
  
He turned up the volume on the car radio that was set on an oldies station. California just gets better and better, she thought as she rolled her eyes. "Hey, can't you at least put on some decent music? And get some air in here, will ya? It must be 80 degrees in here." She tugged on the neck of her sweater that felt 10 pounds heavier than when she had put it on this morning.  
  
"What, may I ask, is wrong with this music? The oldies are some of the best music ever written, in my humble opinion." He leaned his head back against the seat, relaxed. "Besides, it soothes me when I drive in traffic."   
  
Caroline was murmuring to herself. Annie figured she was still practicing that story. Even she had it memorized by now. She sighed, shut her eyes and began taping her foot.   
  
"I'm going to be sick." Caroline whispered just as she leaned forward and dry heaved. Annie jumped. "Caroline, are you alright? It's a good thing you didn't eat on the flight. Caroline?" There was no answer.   
  
"Uh-oh. I was right. Guess we better crack some windows in here." The cab driver started laughing at his own unintentional pun.  
  
Annie was shaking her with no luck. She waved her hand in front of Caroline's face, then took a closer look.   
  
"Her eyes are dilated. She can't hear me, can she? Omigod, what are we going to do? She has to go on in," she glanced at her watch. "Less than one hour. Make this go away."  
  
"Too late. Your friend has fallen down the rabbit hole into Never-Never land. You can't do anything about it except wait for her on the other side." He laughed again at his own joke.  
  
"I hope you're just kidding." Annie sounded threatening.  
  
"I'm telling you there's nothing you can do for her except keep her calm. She'll have hallucinations that will probably last a few hours, depending on how much she soaked up. She'll be fine after that."  
  
"Fine? Fine? Are you out of your mind? This is a woman who doesn't take drugs stronger than Tylenol." Annie was shaking Caroline so hard her head bobbed sideways. Still no response. She was staring off into the distance, murmuring Richard's name and VCR's in Afghanistan. Annie just shook her head. It made no sense to her.  
  
Well, be careful what you wish for, Caroline, Annie thought. You finally got your adventure.   
  
"Listen, I had a cousin that tripped all through the 70's. You can handle this. Just don't panic." The cabbie was watching both of them in the rearview mirror.  
  
"This is going to be fun!" Caroline piped up from the rear seat.   
  
"Hey, what's she talking about?" the cab driver was watching again.  
  
"I don't know. I heard my name and Del, that's another friend of hers. Actually an ex-fiancée, but that's a long story. Oh, and Richard, of course." Annie was puzzled. Who was Julia? Why did Caroline keep insisting she needed to leave Richard a message? She shrugged. "Hell if I know what she's talking about."  
  
Caroline was smiling to herself, then started laughing uproariously. "That's funny!"   
  
Well, I'm glad she thinks so now. She won't tomorrow, Annie thought sourly. As soon as that thought crossed her mind, Caroline's face instantly changed from happy to tragic. She whispered a word that sounded like Mary. Who was Mary and why would she make Caroline upset like this? She grabbed a Kleenex and dabbed at Caroline's teary face, soothing her. Caroline started muttering to herself again saying she wasn't jealous.  
  
Robert began tapping his fingers on the steering wheel. "Hmmm, did I mention that sometimes the ex-per-i-men-tor" he mispronounced the word one syllable at a time, "goes through real fast mood swings? Like happy, sad, angry or depressed?"  
  
Annie slowly turned her head to look at him glaringly. "No, you didn't mention that. Anything else I should know?"  
  
"You just have to stay with her and help her through it. She's in her own crazy world. My cousin told me that when he was trippin', all he remembers is dreaming about his own life but sort of upside down. He relived all his past mistakes and decided to change his life and career after that. He used to be so unhappy but now he loves his job." He was chuckling to himself. "I guess you remember the stuff you've repressed."  
  
"Well, since Caroline is from Wisconsin, she represses a lot. But she does have a perfect life and she likes it just the way it is, except she doesn't have a steady guy. She keeps looking for Mr. Perfect and I keep telling her he doesn't exist."   
  
"Huh, my cousin..."  
  
"Okay, I know you're not talking about any cousin."   
  
The cabbie just smiled. You sure couldn't pull anything over on this one.  
  
Caroline started singing and swaying along with the car radio, snapping her fingers and waving her arms in the air in tune with the song. Annie couldn't help but laugh even as worried as she was.  
  
"Hey, another fan of Motown! All right!" The cabbie sang along with her, tapping on his steering wheel in time with the beat. Annie groaned.  
  
As they watched, Caroline attempted to pirouette on the seat. Both of them found this quite entertaining. Caroline suddenly stopped, looking sad and forlorn. "You don't understand, Annie...this is my baby." Annie tried to comfort her but Caroline had moved past it and now had a look of shock on her face. It was impossible to tell where she was now. The cabbie wasn't kidding when he mentioned the lightening quick mood swings.  
  
"Hey, if we ever get through this traffic jam, do you want me to take her to a hospital? I mean, just in case?"  
  
"Hospital? No, no. Let's not do that." Annie was panicking again. She could visualize the questions from the hospital staff and the recognition of Caroline Duffy, nationally syndicated cartoonist. The gossip and headlines could ruin her career. No, she had to protect her. After all, Caroline was her best friend. Annie knew Caroline would do the same for her.  
  
Caroline started mumbling again. It was difficult for Annie to pick up but it sounded like 'Trevor.' She mentally ran through the list of Caroline's old boyfriends. She couldn't recall a Trevor. Then the name 'Julia' again. Who was this chick? It was obvious that Caroline hated her, which was strange since she liked everyone. Annie leaned closer to her to pick up broken phrases and broken bits of imagined conversations. From what little she could piece together, Caroline was angry with Richard over something. Green tea ice cream?   
  
The cabbie turned the radio dial when a commercial came on. The music thundered out from a local rock station. Caroline moved wildly back and forth across the back seat in time with the tempo. He took one look at her and changed the station. "Sorry about that. How about some Mozart? That might calm her down some."  
  
He was right. Caroline settled against the seat back. Annie sighed. "God, I hope she's going to be alright."  
  
"Bitch." Caroline whispered. Annie's eyebrows rose up to her hairline and her mouth dropped open. She snapped her fingers in front of Caroline's eyes with no reaction. "She's my bitch."  
  
"You probably won't believe this, but my friend does not talk like this. She's nice to everyone. Too nice."   
  
"Daddy, I'm home!" Caroline chortled. Okay, now things were starting to sound interesting. Maybe she could use some of it. Annie leaned in close to her.   
  
"Caroline, tell me all about 'daddy.'" Caroline started mumbling unintelligently, smiling to herself.  
  
"Richard's honeymoon...No, I'm not jealous, stop me." Annie just stared at her. Richard again? Who would marry that guy? She wanted to hear something juicy not some garbled story about Hawaii, the prince of darkness and this Julia person.   
  
"What?!" Caroline shouted, sitting forward in her seat, bug-eyed. Then, "Doesn't Annie have the biggest mouth?"   
  
"Hey!" Annie was miffed. She knew it was true but still, who really wants to hear the truth about themselves. She started shaking her again. "Caroline, can you hear me? Snap out of it. You have to be on Jay Leno in a few minutes. You have to pull yourself together. Pleeease, Caroline."  
  
"I'm not sure she can hear you." The driver had reached the surface streets and the traffic was lighter.   
  
"I have to try, okay? You don't know how much this interview meant to her."  
  
"Who asked you?" Caroline growled angrily from the rear seat. She mumbled and gestured again. "Couldn't figure out how to say goodbye to you...Three million dollars... Go paint beautiful pictures." Annie was growing bored trying to understand what small bits she could piece together. Besides, she knew Richard couldn't paint 'beautiful' pictures if forced at gunpoint. Caroline looked like she was going to cry.  
  
They had reached the NBC studios. Annie could see the building and the peacock insignia from across the street. "This is it. Let us out. I'm sure she'll be just fine now. All she needs is a strong cup of coffee." She sounded more confident than she felt.   
  
"Look at that ass!" came from Caroline's direction. Annie groaned, laying her forehead on the back of the seat in front of her. "I give up. Caroline is going to be so upset. Take us back to the airport."   
  
"You got it. You can probably catch the red eye back to New York tonight. Course, I don't think she'll be any better by then. By the way, who is she?"  
  
"Nobody." Annie snapped back.   
  
"But she must be somebody if she was going to appear on Jay Leno." The cabbie turned a sharp corner, narrowly missing a truck as he raced for the freeway onramp, only to stop once more in traffic. "I heard you call her 'Caroline.' What's her last name?"  
  
"Look, Robert, you don't need to know. In fact, no one needs to know, understand?" The cabbie found it difficult to understand Annie due to the fact that she was speaking through clenched teeth.   
  
"Hey, I can find out, you know. Can't be that many celebrities with that first name. The National Enquirer pays big bucks for stories like this."   
  
Caroline started to sing along with another song on the radio, kicking her legs to the tune and belting out 'it's in his kiss.' The driver turned around, grinning and joined in. Annie wondered what horrible thing she had done in her life to deserve this. She moved up right behind the cab driver's head and tapped on his shoulder to get his attention. She spoke very slowly. "Listen carefully to me Robert. If you do mention this to anyone, and I mean anyone, I know people who can hurt you. Hurt you bad. I'll make you sorry you ever picked us up."  
  
"Mention what?" he murmured. Annie always made an impression on everyone she met. Whether that impression was good or bad never worried her.   
  
"That's a good little cabbie." She patted his shoulder. "Don't worry. There will be money in it for you. Get us to the airport, pronto." He stared at the surrounding gridlock. "Yeah, right."   
  
"Richard! Richard, come back!" Caroline had scooted to the front of her seat, seemingly carrying on a conversation with Annie about Spain and bulls. "Run, Richard, run!!" She was shouting now while Annie and taxi driver just watched in fascination.  
  
"Wow, she sure talks about this Richard guy a lot. He must mean a lot to her. Is he her husband or boyfriend?"  
  
Annie snorted, then gagged. "He wishes. He just works for her. He has this major crush on her but she doesn't know it. It's obvious to me but Caroline can't see it. Anyway, it's a long story."  
  
The cab driver gestured around him. "Hey, we've got nothing but time. Go ahead, I like a good story." Annie told him about the day stuffy, uptight Richard came into their lives, his misguided love letter and Caroline's complete blindness when it came to the men in her life. It resembled more of a daytime soap rather than someone's life.   
  
"I really worry about her. She's so gullible, ya know? She just doesn't realize that men suck. She really needs someone to watch out over her."  
  
"How about this Richard she keeps mentioning?"  
  
Annie laughed. "Caroline has never really taken the guy seriously. I think he's just an employee to her and...."   
  
"Let's get naked! Richard..." Caroline shouted from her corner of the cab. She had both hands covering her breasts. Suddenly, a look of horror crossed her face.   
  
"I think I might have been wrong about that." Annie said thoughtfully. "You said this drug brings out your repressed feelings? Like maybe she likes him more than she thought?"  
  
"Uh huh. That's what I've heard about it."  
  
"Well, well, well. This ought to be interesting." Annie was thinking of several different but interesting future scenarios.   
  
"Annie, I don't know what to do." Annie whipped her head around to Caroline. Finally, she was back. Except that Caroline had her arm raised and was writing on some invisible wall, talking frantically. "Should I sleep with Richard? Will we still be friends? Is it too soon? I'm so confused." Oh yes. Things were definitely getting good.   
  
"Caroline, calm down. You're not yourself. Just calm down."  
  
"Go slow, you're right...we should wait two months."  
  
Caroline began talking heatedly about office space, a bulky desk, Betty and a plum. "They called me an evil, insensitive bitch." Caroline was whining again and then mumbling incoherently.  
  
Annie giggled. She just couldn't wait to tease Caroline about the stuff she had heard. It would be something entertaining in her boring life of late. She yawned. She had been fighting exhaustion from the trip for the last hour. She laid her head against the seat back and shut her eyes for just a minute. Jet lag had caught up to her.   
  
"Hey, miss. We're here. Miss...." The driver was shaking Annie awake. They were right back at LAX where the whole crazy trip had started only hours before. It seemed much longer. She stumbled out, pulling Caroline out with her. After paying off the cabbie, she grabbed Caroline's arm, keeping a tight grip. Annie figured all she had to do was buy tickets and quietly wait for the flight in some corner.  
  
Steering her away from an airport security guard, Annie knew they wouldn't get a flight the way Caroline looked. It was her dilated eyes. A dead giveaway. She whipped her own sunglasses out of her purse and crammed them on Caroline's face. Maybe they would get lucky.  
  
Caroline stopped suddenly in the middle of the airport lobby area, wailing, "What happened to our family?" Annie tugged Caroline along behind her ignoring the stares from other passengers and trying to quiet her at the same time. Annie smiled weakly at the salesperson behind the counter and asked for two seats on the next flight out to anywhere, but New York would be preferable.   
  
"Excuse me, but is your friend okay? If she's sick she shouldn't fly." The ticket agent eyed Caroline suspiciously.  
  
"Oh, she'll be okay. She's just been to a funeral." Annie's mother would have called it a lie but Annie just called it thinking on her feet. She tried to appear serious and leaned closer to the woman and whispered "Her parents funeral." Annie figured she would just light a candle in church the next time she went.  
  
"Oh, I'm so sorry. I'll find you a flight right away." The attendant whispered back. Her fingers flew over the keys as Caroline started grinning. Grabbing the ticket reservations, Annie steered Caroline over to a quiet corner in the gate area.   
  
"I guess we should go on a first date if we're going to have sex in two weeks." Caroline announced in a loud chipper voice. Annie could only marvel at how fast a busy airport terminal could grow deathly quiet. She could feel hundreds of curious eyes focused on them. This was no longer amusing to her.   
  
"Shhh...Caroline, quiet down. It's alright."  
  
Caroline appeared to be furious, pointing an index finger to her temple. "The Richard in my head, the Richard I've been dreaming about hasn't got a romantic bone in his body." Annie figured that was probably very true.   
  
Caroline stomped away, calling out 'Salty' as she walked towards a door marked 'employees only.' Annie chased after her. She grabbed Caroline's arm and drug her into the ladies room. At least she could keep the girl corralled in here until their flight.   
  
So while Caroline sat on the toilet seat, babbling on about lost papers and divorces and bathtubs, Annie just leaned against the bathroom stall wall watching her. She wondered how long this was going to last and if Caroline would remember any of it. She certainly would.   
  
Annie could hear other women coming in and out of the bathroom, each one pausing in silence as she realized that two women were in the same stall and one was ranting and raving. One woman was braver than the rest. "Umm, is everything alright in there?" Annie could tell by the direction of the voice that she was peering under the door.   
  
"Shhh...I didn't pay all that money to listen to this crap!" Caroline shouted angrily. Annie could hear the retreating footsteps and the sound of the closing door. She smiled to herself. Serves her right, the snoop. Caroline was off again in her own universe. This time she seemed to be yelling at Richard about her breast size and his hair color. As far as Annie could piece together, Caroline was spending most of her dreamtime getting angry with Richard. She grinned. Too bad this wasn't real life. He would deserve it for all of his insulting remarks. Not that she didn't manage to get in her own well-aimed barbs but that was different.  
  
Annie could hear their flight number being called. "Okay, Caroline, let's go." She sighed to herself as she pulled Caroline out of the bathroom. She knew this was not going to be smooth.   
  
She was right. No sooner had they left the lavatory than Caroline yelled about everyone's lack of a Christmas spirit. It wasn't even June yet. "Alright, that's it. I've had enough. We're going home." Caroline was growling and glaring again.  
  
They were so close. Annie could see the gate. It was a last call for their flight. "You got it, kiddo. That's where we're going. Calm down." Annie tried rubbing Caroline's back, thinking maybe that might help her relax. Instead, she whined, "but he's just a little boy." Ah, she must be talking about Richard again. That guy really had her upset. Before Annie could react, Caroline grabbed her hands and danced her around the room, giggling out loud. Out of the corner of her eye, Annie could see an attendant walk towards a security guard. She danced Caroline over to the gate, stuck their tickets into the machine, pulled her down the tunnel and into the plane. She was praying that they would get lost in the crowd.  
  
"Caroline, sit still and be quiet. Maybe no one will realize you're not normal." Caroline just muttered that it wasn't her fault that Charlie was fired. Annie was still trying to figure out what Wisconsin and Caroline's family home meant to Caroline when their flight finally left the runway. Annie found it hard to keep up since Caroline kept jumping from subject to subject.   
  
As the hours went on, Caroline's mind wandered through her imaginary world of burnout, retirement and then on to someone named Randy. And then back to Peshtigo again. Annie, of course, wasn't the only one listening to this continuous monologue. Crammed into small quarters, nearby bored passengers were leaning towards them so they could catch what was being said. Caroline was getting louder as she announced happily that Richard had proposed. Then started sobbing because he had left. This time, she was crying for quite some time. Flight attendants kept stopping and wanting to help. Other passengers offered advice for her heartache. Annie just hugged her and wiped away her tears.  
  
"I'm finally getting married." Caroline announced, happier now and sitting up straight in her seat, holding her hands together out in front of her. Since the seating was rather cramped, this was quite a feat. Somewhere behind them, a baby started wailing, paying no attention to her shushing mother. At this point Annie decided she would never be talked into traveling with Caroline again. Ever.   
  
Caroline suddenly looked confused. "Richard?" Annie started to look around for him, then realized that he was just another figment of Caroline's imagination. Caroline was carrying on a full conversation with the guy then halted. She mumbled something else, rubbed one hand across her eyes and slowly swiveled her eyes around the cabin of the plane until she turned sideways and saw Annie. Her mouth opened in surprise.   
  
"Annie? Where are we? What happened to Los Angeles?"  
  
"Caroline! I'm so glad you've come back to me!" She hugged her friend hard, not caring that she sounded a trifle melodramatic.   
  
"But-"  
  
"It's okay. We just took a slight detour, that's all. But everything is okay now." She started to explain to Caroline but noticed her drooping eyes and huge yawns. Instead she said, "Maybe you should get some sleep first."  
  
"Okay." Caroline yawned again. "Wake me when we get to Los Angeles." She slowly leaned back against the seat and shut her eyes.   
  
"Yeah, sure, when we get to Los Angeles." Annie echoed. She had a lot of explaining to do. Thank goodness it could wait until tomorrow when she had more energy. At least Caroline was fine now and just sleeping.  
  
And sleep she did. All the way back to New York. It took a while to wake her up after they landed. She fell asleep again in the taxi, leaning against Annie's shoulder.   
  
"Hon, come on. Wake up." Annie was scrounging through her purse looking for money to pay the driver.  
  
"Annie? Where are we?" She started rubbing her eyes again, looking haggard.  
  
"We're back in Kansas, Dorothy. Come on." Caroline wrinkled her forehead trying to understand what Kansas had to do with anything but her brain refused to click. She followed Annie out of the cab and recognized her own building. Something seemed very wrong about that but she needed some rest before she could decide what it was. She needed lots more sleep. Maybe for three days. All she wanted to do was lay down on her soft bed and never get up. Annie mentioned going out for lunch tomorrow to talk. She never bothered to answer.   
  
Caroline dragged herself into her quiet, darkened apartment and stumbled upstairs. Salty was the only one who greeted her and padded up the stairs after her mistress, complaining about her absence. Even though it was early in the evening, Caroline fell into bed with her clothes on, too tired to care. She felt lightheaded and had a piercing headache to boot. Thinking was impossible because her mind felt jumbled, thoughts and impressions circling around. Something important had happened. She could feel that. She just wasn't sure she wanted to know exactly what it was.  
  
  
  
TO BE CONTINUED IN CHAPTER TWO---A SECOND CHANCE  
  
  
  



	2. CHAPTER TWO--A SECOND CHANCE

Once in awhile, if you're very lucky, life gives you a do-over.  
This is a work in progress.  
  
  
Continued from Down the Rabbit Hole  
  
CHAPTER TWO---A SECOND CHANCE  
  
  
Caroline was dreaming again, thankfully without the aid of any synthetic this time. She was preparing to walk down the aisle once again. This time she knew it was Richard waiting for her at the alter. She couldn't see him since she was standing in the foyer waiting for the music to begin but she just knew it. The really odd thing was that she was holding Salty in her arms instead of a bouquet. Annie ran up to her and tugged on her arm. Caroline shook her off. Nothing was going to get in the way this time. Annie tugged again, harder, calling her name. Her eyes popped open only to see the far wall of her own bedroom and feel Annie shaking her arm to wake her.   
  
"I can't believe you're still sleeping, Caroline. Do you know its past noon? Do you know that you left your door unlocked? How are ya feeling today?"  
  
There were too many questions. Instead of answering, she asked one of her own. "What day is it?"  
  
"Sunday, you nut. So how long did it take for you to realize your trip to L.A. was a bust?"  
  
Caroline groaned long and loud. "Somewhere around two in the morning. Annie, I can't believe I screwed up the Leno interview. My agent is going to ream me for this."  
  
"Honey, it wasn't your fault. How were you supposed to know there were illegal drugs in the pocket of Richard's jacket? I say we blame him." She bounced on the end of the bed much to Caroline's irritation.  
  
Caroline ignored the last statement. "I just don't get it. How did this happen to me? I'm always very responsible and careful, I don't take risks-"   
  
"Just like a girl scout." Annie muttered under her breath.  
  
"I don't smoke, take drugs, drink too much, or pick up guys too often. But how in the world could I ruin my one and only chance to be on Jay Leno? How am I going to explain this?" She groaned again and pulled her comforter completely over her head.  
  
Annie started tapping her back. "Caroline, the best thing for you right now is a strong cup of coffee and fresh air. You'll feel better after that. Take it from a pro."   
  
"Moway" was the muffled response from her friend.  
  
Annie wrinkled her brow. "What?"  
  
Caroline lifted her head out briefly and repeated, "Go way, I'm tired."  
  
"Come on, sleepyhead, I'll just keep bugging you so you won't get any sleep anyway." Annie began rhythmically tapping on her back. Caroline gave up. Annie was the more persistent of the two.   
  
"Okay, but I go on record against the idea." Caroline swung her legs out of bed. She had to steady herself when she first stood up but it was the headache that made her nauseous. She threw on a dirty sweatshirt and jeans that she found on the floor, ignoring Annie's groans. Running her fingers through her hair in place of a comb, she headed downstairs with Annie close behind. The phone started ringing but she ignored it. As her outgoing message ended, the voice of her agitated agent could be heard. She pulled the door shut, making sure she locked it this time.  
  
Annie led the way down the street several blocks to a new pub and grill they had visited last week. Had it only been last week? It seemed like a lifetime ago.  
  
"Don't you just love this place? It's got a great atmosphere." Annie said enthusiastically as her eyes checked out any and all available men in one quick sweep of the room.   
  
Caroline glanced around the crowded bar. Phil's Pub had that dim lighting that was so popular now. Round, cloth covered tables had been crammed in close proximity to each other. A long solid oak bar with a profuse number of alcoholic bottles adorned shelves along one complete wall. It seemed to Caroline that the serving staff consisted of only men. Buff men dressed alike in white short sleeve shirts and tight red shorts. Ah yes, the atmosphere. They had arrived early enough to be seated immediately at a table in the middle of the room.  
  
"You look like you have a little more color in your face," Annie commented.  
  
"How in the world can you tell, Annie? It's so dark in here." Caroline felt tired and grumpy. She really wanted to be left alone with her thoughts. Memories of yesterday's dream world were coming back to her. Richard, Richard, Richard. Everything kept coming back to him.  
  
"Okay, so tell me all about your trip yesterday. How was it?" Annie had put some emphasis on the word 'trip.'   
  
Caroline had to stop and think about it. How could she possibly put into words the emotions she had felt? She had remembered feeling utter happiness, total heartache, absolute confusion and uncontrollable anger all within a short span of time. The intensity of each of the emotions had been felt through her entire being. This was something that was foreign to her. She had always prided herself on her self-control and calm demeanor. She didn't make scenes. After all, she was from Wisconsin.   
  
But she couldn't explain this to her friend. She would never really understand. So instead she just said, "Annie, I don't really want to talk about it. It was weird."  
  
"You're telling me. All I heard was some stuff that made no sense. It was supposed to be memories from your past and your life, you know, like in your dreams. So piece it together for me."  
  
"Well, all of you were in it, you, Del, Charlie and...and Richard." She whispered the last name. "So it was my life except that no one acted like themselves. Even I didn't act like myself. It didn't make sense and half the time it was just stupid. I'm sure it didn't mean anything." Caroline didn't sound too sure of herself. "Richard would never elope with Julia in real life anyway. Sheesh." She was really talking to herself rather than to Annie. She tried to laugh it off but it came out sounding more like a nervous squeak. She started examining the silverware as a diversion.  
  
"There's that name again. Who the hell is she, anyway? You kept talking about her like you hated her."   
  
"She was Richard's old girlfriend who left him years ago. He told me about her the first day he started working for me. I don't know why I would remember her and I certainly wouldn't hate her." Caroline smiled weakly, knowing that she was protesting too much. If it wasn't hate, it was certainly jealousy. She was amazed that she could still feel the strong emotions even now. Maybe by Monday when she looked Richard in the face, she could get over this strange feeling and her life would get back to normal. And maybe pigs could fly.  
  
Annie was getting impatient. "Just tell me about your dreams and don't leave out the good stuff."  
  
Caroline hesitated and then began reciting her dream starting with Charlie looking for his father, Richard running into Julia, their pretend marriage and his eventual elopement.   
  
"And you weren't jealous. I remember hearing you say that." Annie informed her. "Who would be jealous of some woman marrying Richard anyway? She ought to get sympathy cards."  
  
Caroline just stared down at the table. The host came up to the table with two menus. "Your waiter will be here shortly."   
  
"Oooh, I hope it's that guy we saw here last week. He was gorgeous." Annie looked over at her friend. "Caroline, you okay?"  
  
Caroline nodded.   
  
"You were saying..." Annie encouraged.  
  
Caroline hesitated for a few minutes but Annie beckoned her to continue. She would rather not talk about some of the stuff she had dreamed. She knew she could censor some of it and Annie would never know and she would never have to explain. "Then I picked up this guy in a bookstore but he turned out to be a total bore. I guess all it means is that I have a boring life." She picked up the menu and stared at it. She didn't want to eat but figured she should since she hadn't eaten since...she couldn't even remember.  
  
Annie was thinking and tapping her cheek with one forefinger. "That sounds like the time I had you pick up that guy in the men's department at Barney's and he was a complete bore. Remember that? And you told me you pretended to be Richard's wife in front of that mobster's girlfriend to get him out of trouble, too. And didn't you tell me that when you visited Richard drunk, he slept on the floor? What a guy."  
  
"Coincidences, Annie."   
  
Annie shrugged. "Then what?"  
  
"I seem to remember that Julia threw Richard a really big birthday party with all his friends. I had a sandwich at the Stage Deli named after me. Julia's father was trying to kill Richard so I followed him around to protect him. Julia inherited three million dollars so Richard could quit working for me and paint all day. Those are not from my past."  
  
Annie stared at her friend. Caroline looked a little lost.   
  
"Hmmm, how about the time you had a park in your hometown named after you? And that time you thought the super, Mr. Tedescu was going to be killed so you followed him around and a few months ago when that wealthy art patron with three names was going to support Richard so he could paint all day." Annie was confidently ticking her points off on her fingers. "By the way, you probably remember that Richard had a big birthday party last year because that's what he told us. But he lied. He was all alone. Guess I forgot to tell you that."   
  
"More coincidences?" Caroline asked weakly.  
  
"Yeah, sure, if you say so. So tell me the rest of it."  
  
Caroline continued on with her story of the wacko marriage counselor tying the bunch of them up, their trip to Spain to clear up a misunderstanding about a bracelet (at this point Annie wanted to know if she had had any "fun" in Spain), Richard and Julia's marriage ending and Richard kissing her. Annie's eyebrows shot up.   
  
"Well, I didn't think the guy had it in him."  
  
"Now you can't tell me those things have happened before."  
  
"Let me think. Wait a minute, didn't Richard's dad tie you up in a chair for his comedy act? And you did exchange those ugly earrings Del gave you for that bracelet, remember?"  
  
"Yes, but that's all. I have never broken up anyone's marriage and Richard has never kissed me." She looked puzzled for a moment, then her eyes widened. "Except for the time he kissed me in Remo's and asked if I got his letter." She was staring off into the distance, still puzzled over why he would have suddenly kissed her and why he would write her a letter. He really was a great kisser. She finally heard Annie's voice calling her name.  
  
"What?" She answered, startled.  
  
"Wow, you scared me. I thought maybe you were hallucinating again."  
  
"I was just thinking, that's all." She continued on with their conversation. "Annie, there have never been any bulls in my life, real or otherwise. I would have remembered that." This she was quite positive about. Bulls chasing Richard? Not in her life. She snorted in disbelief.  
  
Annie didn't comment. She was rotating her head in all directions, focusing on finding her prey. The bar was steadily filling up with lunch customers. Annie had to twist, turn and rise up part way in her chair to see the other side of the room.   
  
"I thought that waiter was going to take our order. Where is he?" Caroline was getting irritated. She really needed to go back to sleep. She didn't really want to think about yesterday's world.   
  
Annie suddenly came to life. "There he is. Caroline, just act natural. I'll do all the talking." Annie straightened her hair and quickly added more lipstick. She smiled up at the waiter. Caroline looked again at the menu and bleakly ordered a salad without looking up. Annie started questioning him about the freshness of the chicken. Caroline looked up in shock at the sound of a familiar voice.  
  
"Trevor!?" She stood up fast, knocking her chair over backwards with a loud crash. Annie and the waiter weren't the only ones staring at her. The entire place suddenly grew quiet.   
  
"Uh, no, uh, my name is Steven, not Trevor."  
  
"No, it's Trevor. You told me your name was Trevor." Caroline insisted weakly.  
  
"Uh, miss, I should know my own name. And we have never met before."   
  
"But you have to be Trevor..." Caroline insisted. He looked exactly as he did in her dream. Same muscles, same chest. Maybe she was psychic about the future or maybe she was still dreaming and just thought she was awake or...now her headache was returning. She slowly sat back down on the chair that a busboy had righted for her, still staring up at Trevor/Steven.  
  
"She doesn't get out much. Sorry about that. Maybe you could just get us our food." Annie smiled apologetically and watched him walk away.   
  
Annie leaned towards Caroline and muttered, "Can't I take you anywhere? I was trying to make a move on him."   
  
"Trevor. That was Trevor. He was the guy in my dream. I guess I didn't mention him. Now I know where he came from."   
  
Annie raised one enquiring eyebrow.   
  
"I dreamed he was my boyfriend and he was going to move in with me except Richard kept getting in the way," Caroline explained. "So he left me, leaving a mattress behind and nothing else."  
  
"A mattress? Hmmm. No, I'm not getting anything." Annie was squinting hard with concentration.  
  
Caroline thought for a moment then a look of recognition passed over her features. "Oh. Ohhhh."   
  
"What?"  
  
"When Richard left for Paris last summer, he took everything except his mattress. He left that for his super."  
  
"See? Memories again. But you actually let that guy go for Richard?"  
  
Caroline nodded. "I bet you think I've lost my mind or that I'm going crazy. I feel like it right now."  
  
"Yeah, you said that a lot yesterday. But I guess that's understandable if you were dreaming about kissing Frankenstein." Annie quickly changed the subject. "So, how was he?" She asked with a grin.  
  
Caroline looked shocked. "How was Richard?"  
  
"Noooo. How was Steven? Any good in the sack?" Annie was wiggling her eyebrows and laughing. "Just want to be prepared for my date with him."  
  
Caroline was still shocked over seeing Trevor-Steven. "Why don't I remember meeting him?"  
  
"Because you were busy worrying about Richard again. You thought he was depressed. Isn't that like worrying about the humidity every summer? You know it's there, you just tolerate it as a natural fact of life." Annie was becoming a little impatient with Caroline. She was just curious to hear about the rest of Caroline's hallucination. "So tell me the rest..."   
  
Caroline laid her head on the table, groaning. "Do I have to?"  
  
"Yes, this is really entertaining. Please, Caroline. I have to live vicariously through you."  
  
"Well, speaking of dates, I dreamt you went to a banquet with your drycleaner because you were depressed about being fired from Cats. He was this really geeky guy, not your type at all. At least you realized you had used him. And you and Del were having a secret affair." She started laughing just at the memory of it.  
  
Annie was not laughing with her. "No, that would be you that went to your awards banquet with Richard the geek, and you were definitely using him. Not that it matters. As far as Del and I," she made a gagging sound. "I think you were remembering Ma and Remo, sneaking around and thinking I didn't know about them."   
  
Caroline had sobered up. Maybe Annie was right. All the insane things she had dreamt about were from her past. Except for dating Richard. That couldn't be, could it? Trevor-Steven laid their plates on the table, watching Caroline warily and keeping a respectable distance from her. Just great. He thought she was crazy too. Annie was flirting with him and he was starting to respond. Only in real life would Annie end up with the guy.   
  
Caroline waited until he left to continue their conversation. "Okay, smarty pants, since you know so much about my life, how about these? I dreamt that I went on a date with Richard and he lied about having dinner reservations at this really great restaurant. Then he got stuck in a vent on my roof but he had drawn me this really romantic subway map. And he and I agreed not to have sex for two months. Explain those." Caroline crossed her arms in front of her, waiting.  
  
Annie shut her eyes, deep in thought. "Okay, wait, wait, it's coming to me. Got it! Lying about the reservations would have been me, when I lied about reservations at Alana's on the day of your wedding shower." She had the grace to look sheepish and apologetic. She was really trying to be more responsible as difficult as it was for her. "As far as the rest, Richard got stuck in your partner's desk, Joe is the one that gave you a romantic map of the land he bought and you and Del were the ones that agreed not to have sex for two weeks for your abstention experiment." She rattled them off quickly then grinned. "See? Memories. Damn, I'm good at this. Give me some more!"   
  
"Annie, this isn't funny. This is my life."   
  
"And I seem to know it better than you. Caroline, relax. You were just hallucinating. You didn't recognize all those things as your life because they were rather twisted. Actually it sounds like fun."  
  
"But it all seemed so real and it wasn't fun." She bit her lower lip, a habit when she was deep in thought. She couldn't help but remember the end of her dream when Richard left her. Six long months and never hearing from him. She could still feel the intenseness of the loss as if it were real. When he had disappeared for three months last summer with never a word from him, it hadn't felt like this. She just remembered being irritated and a little hurt. She certainly did not remember feeling as if her heart had been ripped out.   
  
"The only thing real about it was that you spent most of the time talking about Richard, crying over Richard and being angry with Richard. You must have been bored to death."  
  
Annie was talking while trying to catch Steven's eye across the bar. Caroline sighed. She was used to her friend being so flippant when it came to talking to and about Richard. She wondered if Annie really couldn't stand the guy. It was on the tip of her tongue to ask then decided not to. In the end, it would be her own decision who she wanted in her life, not Annie's.   
  
"Annie, I don't want you to say anything to Richard or anybody else about this weekend. Let's just keep it our little secret. It's just a little too embarrassing."  
  
"Our little secret?" Annie repeated after her. "But this is too good. It just begs to be told to someone. Do you know how often this could happen to you? Never!"  
  
"No, Annie. I mean it. If you say anything to anyone, especially Richard, I will never speak to you again."  
  
"Come on, Caroline. I know you don't mean that." Annie looked at her friend's serious face. "Okay, I guess you do. I promise. Happy?"  
  
Caroline nodded. Annie continued. "Um, speaking of secrets, I have this little hypothetical problem and I need your advice. I have this friend, well, kind of a friend, more like an acquaintance, I guess. Anywho, this person asked me to keep a secret from another friend, a really good friend because the first friend thought it would hurt the other friend to know about this secret. Should I?" Annie was looking so serious that Caroline was amazed.  
  
"Annie, if you said what I think you said, I would respect the first friend and not tell the second friend about the secret. You're trying to be more responsible, remember?"   
  
Annie looked frustrated. "I knew you would say that. Why do I even bother? Who needs responsibility, anyway? It's not nearly as much fun."  
  
"Annie..."   
  
"Yeah, yeah, okay. Both secrets are safe with me. But don't ask me to keep anymore. It's too hard. I might explode or something."  
  
Caroline was looking thoughtful again. Annie noticed that she hadn't eaten much throughout their conversation and now toyed with her salad. Something was on her mind since she wasn't usually this quiet and low-key.  
  
"Annie, do you believe in second chances?"   
  
"I would if I could get that gorgeous guy back over here." Her eyes were following Steven around the room.   
  
Caroline laughed. "No, I mean, what if you could do your life over again. Would you change anything about yourself?"  
  
"I'd come back as a blonde. They have more fun." This last part was uttered just as Steven leaned down close and was apparently having an intimate conversation with a woman with long, blonde cascading locks. Annie looked disgusted. "Men."  
  
"Annie, I was talking about something deeper than that. What if. . .if you were shown that you had really messed up certain parts of your life. That you hadn't realized that you had feelings for certain people because you were too blind," now Caroline was stumbling over her words, "and...and you might lose that person if you don't do something about it. If you were given a chance to do your life over again, would you make different choices?" her voice wandered off.   
  
"No. But I get the feeling you would. What is so wrong with your life? It's perfect. You're famous, have a great career and a great loft, you make lots of money. You could have any guy you wanted if you just weren't so picky."  
  
"I know. It's just..." Caroline hesitated. "There are things I would change. Things like...Richard."  
  
"Caroline, I hate to be the one to break it to you, but you can't change Richard. He's pretty hopeless."  
  
Caroline took a deep breath. "I don't mean 'change him.' I meant that I want to change the way I treat Richard. It's just that I think I may have been blind about him. I think I have..." she hesitated again. Why was this so difficult for her? Other women had no problem saying it. "You know, feelings, for him."  
  
"Ahhh, feelings." Annie raised an eyebrow. She had figured out long ago how difficult it was for Caroline to admit to even herself that she could have deeper feelings. She had to maintain careful control over her emotions. "Caroline, you really don't like using four lettered words, do you?" At Caroline's look of confusion, Annie continued, "L-o-v-e. Love. That's the hardest word for you to say."  
  
Caroline became indignant. "No, it isn't. I can say it. I just don't abuse the word like some people do." Her inference was clear. Annie ignored it.   
  
"Did you ever say it to Del?"  
  
"Of course, I---did. I'm sure I must have. I would have...." Caroline hesitated, trying to recall.  
  
"Hon, if you have to think that hard to remember, you probably didn't. Maybe the reason is because you didn't really love Del and your subconscious knew it even if you couldn't admit it." Annie looked smug.  
  
"Annie, are you reading another one of those self-help books on relationships again?"  
  
"Yes, but that's not the point." Annie leaned back in her chair and smiled at her. "So, Ritchie, huh?"  
  
Caroline smiled sheepishly. "Yeah, who knew? Especially not me." She started nibbling on her lower lip.  
  
"Well, Ma knew and I refuse to tell her she was right."  
  
"But why didn't I see it before? Why did I have to become a druggie to discover my feelings about him?" The second the words were out of her mouth, Caroline realized the stupidity of her question.  
  
Annie started laughing, so hard that her eyes started tearing up. "Wow, I could go in so many directions with that one. You don't really want me to answer that, do you?" Caroline just shook her head.  
  
"It would be easier if I knew how he felt about me. You once told me he had a crush on me. But that was a long time ago. I wish I had some kind of proof without actually coming out and asking him." She idly noticed that Annie didn't look directly at her but instead swiveled her eyes off to the side and clamped her lips together.   
  
"I just don't want to ruin our friendship or scare him away," she continued. "I just have to figure out what to do next. We haven't even been out on a real date. Maybe I'll change my mind. I'll just have to think about it and talk to him when I feel the time is right." She could feel herself backpedaling. Maybe those feelings of hers had just been in her mind after all.  
  
"So you'll analyze it, scrutinize it, bisect it and then put it under a microscope. My god, Caroline, we'll both be on social security by then. Haven't you learned to just go with the flow and trust your instincts?"  
  
"No but you'll be glad to hear that my alter ego in my dreams made snap decisions to give away her egg and ask Trevor, I mean, Steven, to move in with her. I had even decided to marry some guy named Randy. I remember that he was a funny, nice, happy kind of guy from Peshtigo. I guess I must have thought he was a good match."  
  
"So you fell for the male version of you? Like looking in a mirror. Just a little boring."  
  
Caroline nodded her head in agreement. "Then Richard came back into my life and I remember feeling that I only wanted him." She could feel herself blushing in embarrassment again. She desperately wanted to change the subject.  
  
"So, that explains Trevor, Richard and Randy. Who was Stefano?"  
  
Caroline smiled gently. "I dreamt that Richard had a son, from Julia of course, named Stefano. He loved him, took care of him, bonded with him. Where did I get that from?"  
  
"Haven't the faintest idea. It's an Italian name, that's all I know."  
  
Caroline had a sudden intake of breath. "Stefano...DeStefano. Joe DeStefano." She looked triumphant.  
  
Annie blinked twice. "Young doctor Joe? In your mind he became a baby?"  
  
Caroline nodded. "I remember now that he kept trying to bond with Richard who, of course, wanted nothing to do with him." They looked at each other and started giggling.  
  
As the two of them left the bar, they passed a man walking his pit bull. Caroline backed away from him, warily watching the dog, remembering distinctly that day in upstate New York when that wild one-eared pit bull chased she and Richard across his property. She still remembered the fear as she turned around, saw it close on Richard's heels and yelled at him to run. Her thoughts connected. The pit bull. The bulls. Richard running for his life. Her mind had exaggerated one dog into numerous charging bulls. She stood perfectly still on the sidewalk, smiling and shaking her head. Her mind was a scary place.   
  
It was a few minutes before Caroline realized that Annie had been saying her name. She shook her head to clear it and looked at Annie.  
  
"Caroline, are you sure you're okay? You keep zoning out on me."  
  
Caroline smiled at her. "Annie, thank you for bringing me home safe and in one piece. It must have been hell for you."  
  
"What are friends for? You would've done the same for me. I'm just sorry about not making it to the show. I really tried. Hey, why don't we go home? You look like you could use some more sleep."  
  
Caroline nodded in agreement. "I want to make one stop on the way."  
  
As they walked down the street, Annie couldn't resist saying, "Don't you see the incredible irony in this? You've been spending years looking for Mr. Perfect and you end up being crazy about ol'Ritchie."  
  
  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
  
It was a normal Monday morning. Except this day she was nervous just thinking about Richard. She'd always thought of him as her friend and nothing else. Funny how one long intense hallucination of being intimate with him changed him from 'just Richard' into a sexual person.   
  
She must have tried on half a dozen outfits, discarding each one in turn onto a large pile on the bedroom floor. She was finally happy with an outfit that was dressier than she usually wore to work. Since she worked at home, she'd allowed herself to become pretty sloppy lately. It had never mattered before. Now she checked carefully to make sure her makeup was perfect and her favorite perfume had been applied.   
  
She stared back at her reflection in the mirror. She was suddenly reminded of that time in her childhood when her grandma Duffy had read to her from books of fantasy by Lewis Carroll. Every night for weeks after that, Caroline would reach out her palm to touch her own mirror wondering if there really was a reverse world on the other side of the glass. Or maybe there really was such a rabbit hole that led down into a twisted world of seemingly familiar faces. Maybe, she had thought, it was a wonderful world, unlike her boring little existence in tiny Peshtigo.   
  
Well, the mystery was over. She had found that rabbit hole. It had been an exciting place but a painful and confusing one as well. She was glad to be back. She did learn one important lesson from the whole horrible mess. She had a second chance to do it right.  
  
She heard a key in the lock and her front door swing open. She took a deep breath and slowly let it out. Okay, here we go. She tripped lightly down the stairs. Richard trudged in the door, looking at the floor with a dour expression.  
  
"Good morning, Richard. How are you today?" She helped him off with his coat, hanging it on a peg. She could feel her heart racing.  
  
"It's Monday, Caroline. Take a guess." Richard said grumpily. "Neighbors on one side of me were fighting all weekend long and the neighbor on the other side seems to have acquired a drum." He flopped down in his chair on the far side of the partner's desk, rubbing his weary face. He finally took a good look at Caroline.  
  
"I guess I missed the memo on the new dress code." He observed. "Or do we just have some company for breakfast?" He raised his eyes to the second floor.  
  
"No, there's no one up there, Richard. I...I just felt like dressing up today, that's all."  
  
"Just as long as you don't expect me to do the same." He murmured as he was looking down at the day's strips to be colored in. A picture of him all dressed up popped into her mind and then was quickly replaced by the image of him undressed. Feeling her face grow warm, she jumped up to make coffee in the kitchen so she could turn her back to him.  
  
"So, Richard, tell me everything you been doing while I was gone."  
  
"Caroline, you were only gone a weekend. How much could I have done?"  
  
She raised her head from what she was doing. "Wow, it seems more like years." She hesitated just a moment. "Well, I don't know, I guess you could have run off and ...and gotten married or something." She knew her high-pitched laughter sounded a little too hysterical. She just couldn't get over this nervousness around him.   
  
Richard stared at her for a moment, dumbfounded. "Oh, right, Caroline. Did I fail to mention that?" He answered dryly. "I did what I always do the first Saturday of the month. I read the Innuit Review at my favorite restaurant. Luckily, they still let me inside."  
  
Caroline remembered that night she "accidentally" ran into Richard at that French restaurant and what a calamity it had turned out to be. First a fire, then an embarrassing encounter with fellow diners. Richard had not been happy with her. She had kind of hoped he had forgotten about that night. Of course he hadn't. It did remind her of what she wanted to ask him.  
  
"I have an idea, Richard. Why don't we go out for dinner and a movie tonight?" She waited nervously for his answer. She thought she had sounded pretty cool. She carried over both of the cups of coffee to the desk.  
  
"No thanks, Caroline. I have a lot of painting I want to catch up on this week."   
  
"Richard, you have to take some time off. How about Friday night? I'll buy."   
  
"No thanks, Caroline. I'm sure you have plenty of friends you can call to go with you." He was concentrating so hard on the details of the strip he was coloring that he failed to see the disappointment on her face. She sat down slowly, watching his concentration.   
  
Caroline's door opened and Annie sauntered in, still in her bathrobe. "God, do I need coffee right now. Intravenously if possible." She headed for the coffeepot in the kitchen. "Sooo, you two having a deep and meaningful discussion?" She was grinning wickedly.   
  
"Yes, Annie, we were debating the meaning of life." Richard muttered sarcastically.   
  
"Really? I thought you'd be discussing the meaning of feelings." Annie looked smugly between both of them. Richard looked shocked, recovered quickly and then looked back down at his work. At the same moment Caroline turned around to give her silent threatening looks. Neither saw the other one's reaction. Annie loved to cause trouble for the sake of entertainment. It just made her whole day. She casually sauntered out, carrying her cup of coffee and smiling to herself.   
  
Caroline ran out after her and caught up to her in the hall. "You promised me. You said you wouldn't say anything to Richard." Caroline was getting flustered. She thought she could trust Annie.  
  
"Hey, technically I didn't say a word about the weekend. I'll keep your secret even if it kills me. You can trust me."  
  
Caroline was a little mollified. "I hope so. But I still think you're wrong about his feelings for me. I don't see anything in Richard that says he likes me. He hasn't even mentioned the refrigerator full of food. He never asks me anything personal. I don't think he even cares." As she said this last part, she felt incredibly sad.  
  
Annie was getting concerned but had no time to encourage her friend. "Cheer up, Caroline. Maybe you should just flirt with him. Anyway, I've got to get ready for a breakfast date. See you later."   
  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
  
Caroline was frustrated. She would be the first to admit that she usually got what she wanted. In the way of men, that is. She had never been without a guy, even in grade school. Annie was right. She could be with someone right now if only she wasn't so picky. But why shouldn't she be? Even someone who wasn't choosey could figure out that the guys she had dated were too boring, self-involved, already married or, thinking back on Joe, way too young. Was she being picky or was she looking for something else? Anyway, she was frustrated. Unlike all the other guys, Richard was not jumping at the idea of a date with her. Of course, she didn't call it a 'date.' She casually mentioned going to dinner and a movie. Surely that could be construed as just recreation between friends. She was moving slow all right, at a snail's pace. Unfortunately, Richard wouldn't cooperate.   
  
All week she had casually hinted at it. Even to the point of bringing out a newspaper and mentioning the local movies being run or some new restaurant that just opened its doors. But she got no cooperation from him. Since she was his employer, she had to word it carefully. She certainly wouldn't want him to think he was obligated in any way. Or worse, be accused of sexual harassment. She only wanted him to think of her as an equal. That's how she now thought of him. Flirting, as Annie had suggested, was definitely out of the question. Not that she didn't give it some thought or even daydream about where it could lead. So she was frustrated. Nothing had ever equaled this annoyance of finally discovering deep emotions about a certain someone and not being able to do anything about it. The old saying 'so close but yet so far away' had never been more true.   
  
She spun around in her chair in time to watch Salty pawing at the fish swimming in the fish tank. That was exactly the way she felt. She just couldn't reach what she wanted. A picture of Richard frantically doing the breaststroke around the inside of the fish tank as she attempted to catch him popped into her mind. She laughed out loud and then jumped when Richard spoke. She had momentarily forgotten where she was.  
  
"Care to share? I could use a laugh today." Richard had removed his glasses and was rubbing the bridge of his nose.   
  
"Uh, Salty. I was laughing at Salty trying to catch the fish." She smiled at him. He looked so adorable and somehow vulnerable without his glasses. Her breath caught in her chest. He never noticed.  
  
"Salty again, Caroline? You really need to get out of here occasionally." He leaned back in his chair to stretch his back. She watched him out of the corner of her eyes so she wouldn't appear obvious.   
  
"No kidding." She muttered under her breath. Aloud she said, "Something like dinner and a movie is exactly what I need."  
  
"Well, Caroline, why don't you just treat yourself and go out? Surely you can go out on your own by now."   
  
"Nope. I'm just going to make my own dinner and then read a book, a really good book. In case you want to know, it's the new John Gresham book. So there." Caroline walked into the kitchen and busied herself with chicken and a sauté pan. She would prove to him how self-sufficient she was. It wasn't long before she had a plume of smoke wafting through the loft.   
  
Richard finished the last of the day's work and sat back watching her move around in the kitchen. Something was different about her. It wasn't a physical thing. She looked exactly the same. If he had to put a finger on it, he would say it was more of an inner awareness thing. Maybe he was imagining it, but it seemed as if she was more conscious of her surroundings and self-conscious around him. Which was absolutely ridiculous. She was still his boss, still that silly woman with a cat, still the one that kept interfering in his life. He knew they were friends because she kept informing him of the fact. There was no reason why she should be suddenly different but she was.   
  
So why the refrigerator full of food Monday morning or the raise in his paycheck this week? She had definitely been more subdued than usual, even intense. In a strange way, he almost missed her hyperactivity. Now she was trying to cook. Emphasis on the word 'trying.' His nose wrinkled at the smell. He just had to see what she was ruining.  
  
"Caroline, what are you doing?"  
  
"I'm sautéing some chicken. Why?"  
  
He walked into the kitchen and stood next to her, noticing how she jumped nervously. "Sautéing? You're cremating it. Here, let me." He impatiently took the fork out of her hand and turned the flame down. He worked for a few minutes, conscious of her standing there and watching him. Now he was getting nervous.   
  
"Wow, Richard, I didn't know you knew how to cook." She was honestly amazed.  
  
"How else could I have survived my childhood? I had to eat. I learned cooking mostly by trial and error and sometimes from my grandmother."  
  
"Your mom never cooked?" She was leaning against the stovetop watching him and completely engrossed in their conversation.  
  
"No. It would have cut into her drinking time." He deftly turned the chicken breasts over, seasoning them with a combination of anything he could find in the cupboards. He started another pan with flour, wine and more spices.   
  
"These will be ready soon. If you're making anything else, you better hurry."   
  
Caroline pulled out her rice cooker and got to work. The smells of chicken, garlic and curry pervaded the place. Richard noticed how Caroline became more animated than she had been all week. Her eyes were sparkling and the pink color on her cheeks just added to her beauty. He figured it was probably time to escape. That was usually the safest thing for him to do whenever he felt he was losing control. The choice was that or a sarcastic remark. Since he couldn't think of anything to say, he walked over to the coat rack and picked up his brown coat.   
  
"Richard, don't leave after helping me with all this. I can't possibly eat it all. Please stay and have dinner with me." She was staring at him from the middle of her kitchen, wearing that silly Caroline in the City apron. The smells were intoxicating. He could feel his stomach rumbling in protest. He stood there in indecision.  
  
In life, one small, seemingly innocent choice can lead to another and then another, until one looks back and doesn't recognize the path one has traveled until it's too late to turn back. Richard knew this, which is why all his decisions were carefully thought out. This was just his way to keep some kind of control against the chaos of his life, his way of insulating himself against the world. Thinking back on that night later, if he had to pinpoint one precise moment where one decision changed the path of his carefully structured life, this is where he would have to lay the blame. This is where he made his first mistake.  
  
  
TO BE CONTINUED IN CHAPTER THREE---LET THE GAMES BEGIN  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	3. CHAPTER THREE--LET THE GAMES BEGIN

  
  
CHAPTER THREE---Let The Games Begin  
  
Continued from A Second Chance  
  
  
Richard had no backbone and he knew it. He never could turn her down and god knows he had tried many times. There was just something about the woman that got under his skin. He told himself it was just a simple attraction to her, a temporary loss of common sense that had blinded him. He only *thought* he was in love with her before he fled to Paris. After he could get his thoughts in order, he realized it was all just an illusion. He figured that as long as he kept distance between them, he was fine.  
  
It was just dinner, after all. Just food eaten in the evening instead of at lunchtime. They ate lunch together quite often. So, he rationalized, it was almost exactly the same. His mind ran through all these frustrations while he stood at her door and she waited silently. He gave in and accepted the invitation.   
  
Caroline beamed. "Great." She exclaimed. "I'll get the French bread if you'll put out the plates on the coffee table." She bustled around the kitchen, pulling out food and wine glasses. "How about wine, Richard?"   
  
He just nodded as he followed her instructions. She set the food down on the low coffee table and smiled shyly at him. Self-consciously, Richard sat on the couch, Caroline on the floor on the opposite side of the table. He just stared down at his food for a moment, savoring the sight and smell of the rare treat of home cooked food. He was forced to eat out most of the time only because that corner of his room jokingly called a kitchenette could not really be used to put together anything more complicated than a can of soup. He was really tired of trekking around town looking for an inexpensive way to eat. He was having trouble keeping weight on his thin frame as it was.   
  
"Richard, is everything okay?" Caroline watched anxiously, expecting the guy to bolt for the door any second. She was still trying to work out how she could date Richard without the guy actually realizing they were dating.   
  
"Definitely." He started to dig in with relish.   
  
Caroline watched the process. She noticed how his long slim fingers gripped the fork and knife. She watched how he pushed food against the back of the fork tines with the blade of his knife. Raising the food to his mouth, he chewed slowly. She must have shared food in his company hundreds of times but these small details had been missed. She had never noticed the shape of his hands or the way he cut small even sized bites. It was funny how love changed your vision, she mused silently.   
  
"So, Richard, how old were you when you first learned to cook?" She took a bite of the chicken. "Wow, this is delicious." She said with honest enthusiasm.   
  
He paused in his concentration. "Let's just say I was too short to reach the counter without the aid of a chair. And thanks." He took another bite. It was almost sensual in the way he shut his eyes and slowly chewed his food. Hot waves slithered across Caroline's cheeks and across the back of her neck. She decided it would be better to just look down at her own food and not at Richard.   
  
"Well, tell me about it." She repeated. He opened his eyes and frowned with annoyance. "Richard, it's called being sociable. People converse during a meal. It's normal."  
  
"Caroline, you should know by now that I'm not normal. When are you going to give up?"  
  
"Never." She smirked.  
  
Richard sighed dramatically. "Okay, I guess I was about four or five years old. My mother started drinking so I just started to cook things. Simple things I could find in the freezer. Whenever the food ran out, I managed to shame her into going to the market for more. That's it. End of story." He finished off the last bite of food and sighed again.   
  
"So tell me about your grandmother." Caroline encouraged.   
  
Richard picked up their empty plates and carried them into the kitchen. On impulse, he grabbed the bottle of wine and brought it over to the low table. Pouring wine into both glasses, he debated what he would say.   
  
"My grandmother was my mother's mother, hard to believe they were related. Maybe mothering skips a generation, I dunno. She always gave me extra attention though. She encouraged me to follow my dreams of being an artist. When I was a teenager, she defended me to my parents. You should have seen the looks on their faces when my 98-pound grandmother started pointing her finger and screaming at them."   
  
Caroline watched his face as he recalled his favorite relative. His usually stiff features softened. He spoke so gently that she could feel the love he had for the woman. She could only wonder what kind of a man he would have been if this woman had raised him instead of the dysfunctional parents she had met. On the other hand, would he have been the sarcastic, adorable Richard that made her laugh if he had come from a different family?   
  
Richard twirled the stem of his nearly empty wine glass between his thumb and forefinger. "I left home as early as I could, supporting myself with demeaning little jobs. When I was in Europe, she passed away. Since my parents couldn't locate me, I didn't find out until I returned a year later." His features had hardened again. He poured himself another glass of wine.   
  
"So you never had a chance to say goodbye to her. That's too bad. Everyone needs closure, Richard." Caroline had reached her hand out between them and laid it on top of his. He looked up at her, startled. She quickly pulled her hand away and bit her lip to hold back an automatic apology. She knew he didn't care to be touched. At least, by her.  
  
"Caroline, it all happened a long time ago. I got over it like I've gotten over every rotten thing from my childhood. I don't need closure."  
  
"But-"   
  
"Caroline, I don't want to discuss it anymore, okay? Maybe I should head on home."  
  
"No, don't leave yet. It's early." She desperately searched for something to keep him there. "I know. How about a board game?"  
  
"How about a board game?" He echoed her question slowly without sharing her enthusiasm.   
  
"Sure, it'll be fun." She had jumped up and ran over to a cupboard under the staircase. She sorted through a pile, debating which game would be best. Richard was rather surprised that he was still sitting on the couch instead of moving for the door. Truth be told, he had had several glasses of wine and was feeling extremely mellow and relaxed about now. Staying a few more minutes wouldn't hurt. Caroline was saying something but her voice was muffled as her head was inside the cupboard.   
  
Walking back to Richard, she dropped a Scrabble game on the table and settled down across from him. He started to shift around nervously, his glance shooting around the room.  
  
"Relax, Richard. It's just a game."  
  
He caught himself and covered with his usual sarcasm. "I was just thinking of you and how you hate to lose. You don't want to play Scrabble with me." He stated matter-of-factly. "I'll slaughter you."  
  
Caroline looked up at him in surprise. "We'll see about that. I'm pretty good at this game."   
  
Richard regarded her for a moment. "Care to wager a little something?"   
  
Caroline was hooked. "Exactly what do you have in mind?"   
  
He mused to himself for a moment. "If I win, I take a day off work, paid of course. If you win, I'll work an extra day with no pay. Deal?"  
  
"You'll work for no pay and no complaining? It's a deal." She reached out to shake his hand. He hesitated then shook hands. She noticed the hesitation but decided not to let it get to her. Caroline laid out the letter tiles face down, mixing them around. Both helped themselves to the game pieces, avoiding eye contact.   
  
"Okay, ought to be a short game." Richard started first. He laid down his first word, Q-U-I-B-B-L-E. He added up his score and wrote 46. He looked up, pleased with himself. Caroline was staring, open-mouthed.   
  
"Quibble, Caroline. As in, what you and I do all day long. And with two triple letters score, I get a 46. Your turn."  
  
Caroline composed herself and looked at her letters. They were horrible. She put the chosen letters down.   
  
"B-O-S-S, Richard. As in, what it sounds like." She wrote down a score of 12 points.  
  
"Does that mean I have to let you win?" He helped himself to more tiles. He smiled. This was easy. He hadn't played this game in years but it was like riding a bike. At least, he supposed so since he had never ridden a bicycle. He laid down U-M-B-R-E-T-T-E. He added up his score of 20. That was low for him.   
  
"Umbrette? That's not a word, Richard."  
  
"Yes, it is. Are you challenging me?"  
  
Caroline stopped, then shook her head.   
  
"It's a bird, Caroline." He took more tiles.  
  
"What did you do, read the dictionary for fun when you were a kid?"  
  
Richard didn't look up as he answered, "I liked to read. Besides, it comes in handy when playing Scrabble games. Your turn."  
  
After taking more letters, Caroline took another look at what she had. "Oh." She whispered. "Oh. Ohhhh." She started biting her lower lip.   
  
"Okay, poker face, what have you got? Lay it on the table." Richard knew he sounded impatient. He just kept thinking he was having a good time tonight-and he knew he shouldn't. This had to stop and soon.  
  
Caroline laid her letters on the board. She lined up the letters E and X next to one of Richard's letter S. Both sets of eyes stared at the small word as if it was alive. Caroline could feel her face color. She brushed it off. "Double letter score-18." She looked up and smiled at him.   
  
Richard had regained his composure too by now. They played furiously, debating word choices and watching the other play. They were down to a few tiles now and it was Caroline's turn. She looked sheepish as she played her only remaining choice.  
  
"C-A-T? That's the best you can do?" He actually grinned at her. She couldn't remember the last time she had seen him do that. She looked down at her two useless leftover tiles and placed the letter -S- at the end of the word.   
  
"So there." She crossed her arms across her chest and grinned back at him. They both sensed the awkwardness at the same time. Richard cleared his throat.   
  
"Okay, my score is 423. Yours a pathetic 279." He looked up at her. "I told you I would destroy you."  
  
"Wow, Richard, are you this graceful when you lose too?" Caroline knew the reason for the low score was because she couldn't concentrate. She just wanted to watch him up close. It was as if she was really seeing him for the first time. Even so, she couldn't help but tease him. "Maybe you just cheated."  
  
"I don't cheat, Caroline." He sounded offended.  
  
"I think you do." She shot back at him.  
  
"You're a sore loser." He was getting more agitated.  
  
"You're a cheater."  
  
Richard got up and headed for the door. "If you're so sure about that, why don't you demand a rematch, Caroline?"   
  
Caroline started to tell him that she had just been teasing him and then stopped. All those hours she had spent on how to get him to go out with her and the excuse was handed to her by Richard himself. She put on an offended look.   
  
"A rematch? Bet on it."  
  
"Double or nothing?"  
  
"Next Saturday. This time, I'll make dinner." She grabbed his hand and shook it.   
  
"Deal. See you Monday."   
  
"Right. See you Monday." She echoed. She smiled at the backside of her door as it closed.  
  
Richard stood in front of the closed elevator door. What in the world had just happened? A rematch? What was WRONG with him? He shrugged, thinking it must have been the wine. It wasn't until much later that he realized his careless comment was his second mistake.   
  
* * * * * * *  
  
Annie stumbled into Caroline's loft for her usual cup of java, the only thing that could wake her in the morning. Besides a sleepover guest, that is. Since her thoughts usually ran in this particular order, the subject of Caroline and Richard naturally followed in this progression. She had found herself stuck between doing what she really wanted and doing what was right. A quandary, to be sure.   
  
She had stupidly, STUPIDLY, she repeated to herself, promised Caroline she wouldn't tell Richard of Caroline's new found feelings. She had stupidly promised Richard she wouldn't blab about that love letter of his.   
  
"Hey, guys. Hope you have plenty of that dark brown stuff this morning." She yawned widely. She poured herself a cup, spilling some on the counter because she was too busy eyeing the two of them. Sitting on either side of the huge desk, both were deeply engrossed in their work. Even Caroline had barely looked up from her work. How boring. She yawned again.   
  
Annie wandered over to their desk.  
  
"So, Ritchie, whatcha doing?"  
  
"Ignoring you. That should be obvious to you by now."   
  
"But that's so boring." Elbows on the desk, she rested her chin on her hands and leaned over the strip he was coloring. He quit coloring, laying the pencil down.  
  
"Okay, little girl, why don't you go outside and play in the street, a really busy street. Mom and I are busy working." He didn't realize the implication of what he said but Annie picked up immediately.   
  
"Mom and I?" She repeated. "Hmmmm. That sure gets the imagination going. If I don't, are you going to spank me?" She grinned at him mischievously.   
  
Caroline had been quietly listening to this exchange. Now she had to interfere.  
  
"Annie, don't bother your father. He's working."  
  
"Yes, Mom." They looked at each other, trying to suppress their laughter and failing miserably.  
  
Richard laid his pencil down again with a decided thump. "Caroline, whatever happened to that pact we had last year of separating YOUR private life from our business life? I still can't concentrate with Annie in here all the time." He was angrier than he should have been but he preferred the quiet. The biggest thing was his general distrust of Annie when she was in this kind of mood. She knew too many of his secrets. Any minute she could just open her lips and something embarrassing would fall out. Right in front of Caroline. The thought practically made him squirm.   
  
"Since when do you have to concentrate to color inside the lines, Pops?" Annie, undaunted, started playing with some of his pencils.   
  
Something inside of Richard just popped. He always felt that he was outside the loop when it came to Caroline and her friends and this seemingly private joke about him between them brought it up again.   
  
"Caroline, something has got to change around here-" He started to shout.  
  
"Richard, quit yelling. It's not that bad." The tone of her voice was rising to meet his.   
  
"Well, I don't know how else to get your attention-" He was standing next to his chair now.  
  
Annie whistled. Both were standing and leaning slightly across the desk, glaring at each other.   
  
"Now, now. I hate to see my parents fighting. It could seriously warp me. I think you two should just kiss and make up." Annie crossed her arms, smiling and just waited. "Go ahead. One big kiss. I want to see it."  
  
Richard's eyes grew wide and Caroline seemed to pale a bit, then sat back down. Both returned to their work but Annie wasn't through yet.   
  
"Aren't you two bored with this whole routine? I know I am." She teasingly placed one hand over the picture Richard was coloring. He calmly continued drawing his red marker across her hand and up her arm.   
  
"Hey!" Annie jerked her arm away, scrutinizing the damage. Richard couldn't help grinning. Score one for him.  
  
"Annie, why don't we go over to your place. I need to borrow my blouse from you." Caroline was guiding Annie by the shoulder out the door and safely into her own apartment.   
  
"Annie, can't you stop teasing us?"  
  
"Naw, it's too much fun. Besides, you're too slow. I want to see some action, girl. If you want the guy, go for it."  
  
Caroline sank down on Annie's sofa. "Annie, I have to go slow with Richard. Really slow or I'll scare him away. Somehow I have to get him to date me without knowing he's dating, if that makes any sense. And I think I've figured out how."  
  
"He'll be comatose?" Annie grinned broadly. "Now that gives you some interesting possibil-"  
  
"Annie, forget it. Just don't rush it, okay? Promise me?"  
  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
  
Next Saturday followed the routine of the previous Friday night. Just as she promised, Caroline made a dinner to be proud of. Because she wanted it to be perfect, it took hours. Instead of being impressed he was just sarcastic.   
  
"Wow, I didn't know you could really cook, Caroline. I thought it was just a wild rumor you started to get a date."   
  
"Very funny, Richard. Of course I can. I don't think you're allowed to LEAVE Wisconsin until you can cook. Besides, we had six month winters so what else could I do?"  
  
"Ahhh, those Wisconsin winter stories. Remind me to never return to that frozen tundra. Once was enough." He shuddered with the memory of that trip to dedicate Caroline's park. He wandered over to her coffee table and sat down on the floor in front of it.  
  
Instead of Scrabble, she pulled out a checkers board. Both of them sat facing each other cross-legged in front of the coffee table. It already felt like a familiar routine. Richard had to keep reminding Caroline that it was her turn again. She managed to make a little headway on the game but her mind wasn't really on it.  
  
"Richard, tell me more about your grandmother. You must have really loved her."  
  
Richard hesitated several minutes, lips pursed together. He never talked to anyone about his personal history. It left him feeling vulnerable, wide open to hurt. He had found over the years that it was easier to keep himself shut off. For some unexplainable reason, he found it difficult to keep his mouth shut around Caroline, starting with the very first day of work when he just had to blab about Julia. He shook his head in disgust with himself. Caroline noticed this.   
  
"Well, if you don't want to, that's okay, I guess...." Her voice wandered off.  
  
"No, no it's okay. Hmmm, my grandmother..." Richard began to recount times with his favorite relative, leaving Caroline laughing and forgetting completely about the game of Checkers they were supposedly playing. Once again, Caroline had to marvel at the sensitive man underneath the cynicism that seemed to possess him most of the time. She didn't want the evening to end.  
  
Just as on the previous Friday, she lost again.   
  
"Caroline, I don't think you were concentrating on the game. Got something on your mind?"   
  
"Um, no, not really. This was fun. How about next Saturday? I'll make dinner again or we can go out to eat if you want..."  
  
Caroline's voice wandered off as she noticed Richard's expression.   
  
"Or not." She finished.   
  
"Dinner?" His voice cracked a little.  
  
"Well, yeah, who wants to cook for one anyway? It'll give me an excuse to practice my cooking."   
  
Richard looked down at the ground, a motion that was becoming a habit. It made it difficult to read him. "Sooo, just killing some extra time as friends, right?"  
  
Caroline's eyes widened. "Of course." She lied. "As friends." She smiled widely at him out of habit as she always did, not because she felt like it.  
  
"Well, if you're sure that's what you want to do. I'm sure something else will come up by then. Feel free to cancel, it won't bother me." He announced casually. Caroline thought it a little TOO casual. He waved goodbye at the door.   
  
"It's a date." Caroline murmured to the back of the closed door, sighing with satisfaction.  
  
  
CONTINUED IN CHAPTER FOUR-THE WITCH  



	4. CHAPTER FOUR--THE WITCH

  
  
  
  
CHAPTER FOUR-THE WITCH  
  
Several Saturday nights came and went that had Richard and Caroline playing games. Not exactly the type of games that Caroline had in mind but they had to start somewhere.   
  
In the past, Richard had been self-conscious and nervous as soon as their business relationship slipped over into the realm of a social situation. Gradually he was beginning to loosen up around her, relaxing on the floor and even chuckling a little. He entertained her with stories about his parents that she knew had been exaggerated for a little sympathy. The change in his features amazed her the most. He seemed younger and more light-hearted than she had ever noticed before.  
  
Things were going great. Now, if she had been thinking negatively like Richard, she would have suspected that everything was going a little TOO good. Because that's when bad things happen. But being Caroline, she could only revel in the fact that they were getting closer as friends and any minute, they would be dating and even intimate. Just the thought of this caused her to blush. Yeah, she had plans for them-big plans.   
  
This Friday afternoon seemed like any other. The day was winding down and work was nearly finished. Annie danced through the room, heading for the refrigerator.  
  
"Caroline, do you have anything decent to drink? I'm dying of thirst." She griped her hands around her neck and delivered the last line melodramatically. She was practicing for a bit part in a new off-off-Broadway play.   
  
Richard barely raised his eyes. "Annie, can't you buy your own drinks? Aren't you embarrassed by how many times you bum food off Caroline? Have you no pride?"  
  
"I could ask you the very same questions, Poindexter."  
  
"I don't think you can. I rarely eat anything here."  
  
Annie slowly spun her way over to the desk, draping herself across it. "Really? What about every Saturday night?"  
  
Caroline intercepted at this point.  
  
"Annie, that's different. I've invited Richard. He's a guest." Caroline turned to Richard. "I found this great recipe for Chinese pork. Are you brave enough to try it Saturday night?"  
  
"No thanks, Caroline, I have a date."  
  
Richard never noticed the sudden stillness in the apartment because he calmly kept coloring. He never noticed the exchanges glances between Annie and Caroline. And he never noticed Caroline's pale face and shaking hands.   
  
Caroline could feel her lunch rise from the pit of her stomach and lodge somewhere in her esophagus. The earlier happiness of knowing it was Friday and soon to be Saturday, was gone. She tried to concentrate on the cartoon in front of her. A minute ago, it seemed like a hilarious commentary on her life. Now, it just seemed silly and immature.   
  
Annie was the first to react.  
  
"A date?" She asked the question as if Richard had just announced that he had a contagious disease.   
  
"Yes, a date. I know that's hard for you two to believe, but I actually have a date. A REAL date."  
  
"A real date?" Annie repeated it after him.  
  
"Annie, you're the last person I need to explain the concept of a date. It's when you spend time with another person that you're attracted to. Sometimes, things develop and it might lead to other things. I know it works backwards for you so maybe that's what's confusing you."   
  
Richard and Annie were facing off once again and were not paying attention to Caroline. He had slowly recited the lines as if Annie was lacking in the mental department. He was definitely in a good mood and it showed. He grinned at the angry look on Annie's face and walked to the door.   
  
"But wait, Richard. When, where, how...did you meet this woman?" Caroline felt a sudden desperation. Maybe she could leap over to the door and lock it and, and-she gave up. She couldn't hold the guy hostage even if she wanted to. She wondered if he could read the desperation in her eyes.   
  
"I was at an art museum Sunday. We were admiring the same painting. We started talking and I took your advice, Caroline, and just took a chance. You remember what you said last Saturday? Well, I just stepped out and did it. It wasn't as hard as I remembered it. This dating stuff is a piece of cake." He grabbed his ever-present brown coat and opened the door. "I honestly don't understand what you two complain about. See you Monday, Caroline."  
  
"Yeah, see you Monday." She echoed faintly after him. She looked down at the work on her desk. She had made deep x's across most of the cartoon and hadn't even remembered doing it.  
  
Annie just had to comment. "Well, of all the ungrateful, little-"  
  
"Annie, please. It's okay. He doesn't owe me anything. He thinks of us as just friends. That's all, just friends." She drew more vicious marks across the cartoon then held it up to admire her work. Since she couldn't take her aggression out on Richard, this would have to do. It was safer anyway.  
  
"I could have his date rubbed out." Annie's eyes lit up. "Or better yet, I could have Richard rubbed out. He deserves it for hurting you."  
  
"You actually know a hit man, Annie?"  
  
"Well, not actually KNOW him, but he's a friend of a friend of a friend. You know."  
  
"He doesn't even realize he's hurt me, Annie. After all, I'm not a REAL date. I guess that makes me a faux date, a pretend date, a phony-"  
  
Annie held up her hand in Caroline's face. "Okay, Caroline, I get the point. You can stop now." She looked over at the clock. "Omigod, I have rehearsal and I'm late. See ya." She ran for the door, flinging 'don't get depressed over the moron' over her shoulder.   
  
"Easy for you to say, Annie. You're not in love with him." Caroline recited to the now empty room.   
  
  
* * * * * * * *   
  
  
"Well, Salty, it's Saturday night. What shall we do for fun?"  
  
Salty blinked her already descending eyelids once, and then laid her head down to sleep. Her owner was on her own.  
  
Caroline stared down at her sleeping cat. "Not that I blame you, Salty, after all, I'm not a real date, just a temporary reprieve from loneliness, a stand-in, a date imposter. Maybe I'm the moron." She stepped back a couple of paces. "And I'm talking to my cat. I gotta get out of here."  
  
Caroline grabbed her coat and purse and at the last second, picked up her drawing pad on impulse. Maybe she could get some inspiration tonight since she was alone anyway. She would show him. Richard didn't think she could function on her own. Well, she could and she would prove it. She was an independent woman, dammit and didn't need a man on her arm to live her life. No siree. She could do this.   
  
She recited this litany all the way to the new Thai restaurant she wanted to try. Maybe the hot spices would burn a whole in her cerebrum and she wouldn't even remember Richard and his date anymore. She realized that Richard was starting to rub off on her. Truth be told, this cynicism actually empowered her, made her feel tougher. No more wimpiness for her. If Richard could find a date, well maybe she could to.  
  
Caroline opened the restaurant door and walked in. There were dozens of patrons waiting for a table. She was starving but determined to stay to try the food. Judging by the crowd, it had to be good. The lighting was minimal, so she stood in place a few moments letting her eyes adjust to the dim light.  
  
Wouldn't you know it, a table for one was ready immediately. According to the maitre de, they rarely got singles in for dinner on a Saturday night. How nice. Caroline forced a smile but really wanted to gouge the guy's eyes out. Lucky for her, it was in the back of the restaurant where her 'singleness' wouldn't be too obvious. After deciding what dishes to try, she glanced around the room, watching the surrounding diners. She had forgotten how much fun 'people watching' really was. The guy over in the corner looked like he was breaking up with his tearful date. Another woman at a distant table was expressing her anger to her contrite mate.   
  
Caroline whipped out the drawing pad and started doodling. Just sometime to catch her thoughts at the moment so she could develop them later. Richard was right. She was definitely getting inspired with fresh, new ideas. This wasn't so bad. Actually this was relaxing. First dates are always so awkward anyway, trying to keep up a conversation and pretending to be interested in what the other person was rambling on about. She was smiling to herself.  
  
The restaurant door opened and closed again letting hungry customers in and satisfied ones out for the hundredth time since she had sat down. She had ignored it so far but a familiar profile suddenly caught her peripheral vision. Or maybe she had just sensed his presence. Richard and his date were standing just inside the door, looking around. Of all the places in New York to eat, he had to pick hers.   
  
Caroline laid her pencil down and scooted her chair to one side to hide behind a table of four. This allowed her to peak around and check out his companion, the Museum Woman, as Caroline thought of her. The woman was almost as tall as Richard, had pale features with dark hair and was dressed from head to toe in black. Richard looked apprehensive, with one hand resting under the woman's elbow as they were shown a table on the opposite side of the restaurant. From Caroline's position, she had a view of the competition but only a rear view of Richard.   
  
It dawned on Caroline that Richard might have met his match in this woman. Even across the room it was obvious she had no sense of humor. Of course, maybe she wasn't being fair. First dates were always hard. You never knew what to expect. They could start off great and then as the evening wore on--.  
  
Grabbing up her pencil again, she quickly sketched her idea. Richard and his date, his real date, she silently reminded herself, were the subjects of the cartoon. Her hands flashed across the page as she drew her characters. It was Richard and his date at the restaurant early in the evening, dinner candles all alit and looking like any other couple out on the town. In each succeeding frame, as the candles melted down, the woman became uglier, more distorted and more hag-like with Richard becoming more horrified. She hadn't quite worked out the punch line, but it wasn't far away. She giggled to herself.  
  
"What's so funny?"  
  
The sound of Richard's voice standing over her must have caused her to jump a foot into the air. Her silverware went flying off the table as she jerked her drawing pad off the table and flipped it over. There could be no doubt about her guilt. But why guilt is what Richard couldn't figure out.  
  
"Uh, uh, nothing, I mean, hi Richard. I didn't follow you here in case you think so. I'm just here to eat, that's all." Caroline wondered if the explanation sounded as stupid to Richard as it did to her. Of course she was here to eat. How lame. She could feel her cheeks reddening and her heart doing a double-time.   
  
Richard just waited until she was done. "I know you didn't follow me. I saw you sitting back here when we first came in." For some reason, he looked slightly embarrassed.   
  
"What are you drawing?" He was eyeing her drawing pad. Caroline prayed he hadn't seen the content. Now she felt ashamed of the subject matter. He and his date sure didn't deserve this treatment. It would be scrapped even though it was pretty funny. It wasn't like her to be so petty and mean. She only wanted him to be happy.  
  
"Uh, just some observations, you know, just some fresh ideas for the strip." She leaned on the table, her hand on top of the pad.  
  
Richard's date suddenly appeared at his side bringing with her the heavy cloying scent of an expensive brand of perfume. Richard nervously made the introductions. It seems that his date, Celeste, was a philosophy professor at NYU. Caroline reached out to shake hands because she was determined to be nice to the woman. It was that good ole' Wisconsin upbringing again.   
  
Celeste didn't respond in kind. "I'm terribly sorry, but I never shake hands with strangers. There are so many viruses and diseases one can pick up if one touches too much. The world is such a filthy place, don't you agree?"  
  
Caroline raised one eyebrow. Okaaay.  
  
"Caroline is a cartoonist. She draws the cartoon 'Caroline in the City'." Celeste just stared at Caroline with no response. Caroline resisted the urge to snap her fingers in the woman's face.   
  
Richard tried again. "You know, the comic section in the newspaper. She's in papers all over the country. Uh, not Caroline, I mean, the cartoon strip she draws." Richard laughed nervously, fidgeting with his tie. Caroline looked from one to the other.   
  
Celeste still stared at her, unsmilingly. "I suppose one must make a living however one can. Life is so temporary before death claims us all. Actually, we are all dying a little each day, so, in the end, does it really matter what we do?"   
  
"But, but, don't you think it's important to find a few laughs every day? To find something happy? I know I do."   
  
Celeste frowned at that idea. "No. That's such a waste of time. And I never find the comic section at all funny, just rather pathetic. I suppose you also find the need to sign everything with a happy face, too." Celeste turned back to Richard. "Come. Dinner is getting cold." She whipped around and headed back for their table. Richard looked at Caroline with some confusion and a shrug before he left.  
  
Caroline sat back down at her table thoroughly depressed, her glance catching her drawing pad still face down. She turned it over, scrutinizing her work. The woman deserved this and more. Caroline decided to publish it. Richard never read her strip anyway.  
  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
  
"Caroline, I can't believe you drew this." Annie was standing in Caroline's living room as she did every morning. Today she was waving the newspaper around, folded back to the comic section.   
  
Caroline was seated at her desk and resting her chin on one hand, vainly trying for inspiration. The result was doodles. Guilt had a way of stemming her creative flow. She knew 'that' strip would be in today's paper and now she regretted it. Too late. She could only hope that Richard hadn't seen the paper today. She was positive that Celeste hadn't seen it.  
  
"It's pretty bad, isn't it?"  
  
"Bad? It's great! Why don't you draw like this more often?"  
  
"But, Annie, it's mean!"  
  
"Yeah, exactly. You need to be mean once in awhile. Tell it like it really is. Like me." She grinned at Caroline, who grinned back.   
  
Caroline related her tale of that night's activities of being trapped in the rear of the restaurant and waiting for the two of them to leave. She added a complete description of her competition.  
  
"You mean there are two people like that in the world?" Annie shuttered. "Was she really this bad?"  
  
Caroline sighed heavily. "She was depressing, condescending and intellectual."   
  
"So you're saying she was just like Richard?"  
  
As far as Caroline was concerned, he needed someone very different from himself, someone just like herself for balance in his life. Too bad Richard couldn't see that. She sighed again in irritation.  
  
Her door opened abruptly with Del strolling in. He was carrying a paper under one arm and a bag of something that smelled delicious in the other.   
  
"Hey, it's my favorite cartoonist! I loved the strip today, Caroline. Even Dad approved which never happens. He thinks it's about time that Caroline grew up-" He took one look at Caroline's shocked look and hastily added, "his words, not mine. Personally I like your sunshiny style but this is a nice change too. Whatever you think is good."   
  
"Poor Del. Still trying to act like her boyfriend." Annie snorted in disgust.   
  
"Del, it wasn't my style and you know it. It was a really low thing to do. Promise me that you two will not mention it to Richard. It might hurt his feelings."  
  
"So you think the creature of the night really has feelings? Actually he shouldn't feel too bad-you drew him less ugly this time."  
  
"Oh wow, this was Richard-" Del held the paper closer to his eyes for inspection.  
  
"What about me?" Richard had slipped in the door and hung up his coat.   
  
"Nothing. Del meant nothing. We were just talking, about nothing important. Just stuff. Things."  
  
"Caroline, you're babbling. What's going on?" Richard walked over to his side of the desk, glancing down at the day's work that needed to be colored. He looked up to see Del and Annie staring him, Annie with a big grin on her face.   
  
"What??" Richard was the only person that could make a four-lettered word sound like four syllables.   
  
Annie snickered and Del hid the paper behind his back like a guilty little boy that had been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. "Nothing. Nothing's up, Richard. I'm just here on non-paper business."  
  
"So, Del, there's nothing in the paper you want to show me?" Richard spoke slowly as if to a child, walking towards him.  
  
"Yes, I mean, no, there isn't." Del looked wildly around for a way out but Richard had him backed up to the bar.  
  
"Wow, Del, smooooth." Annie was looking helplessly up at the ceiling. Caroline jumped up from her chair, ran over to Del's side, grabbed the paper and walked into the kitchen. Opening the trash bin, she dropped it in. Richard looked from one face to the other and sighed. These people were just too easy. He reached over and picked up Annie's forgotten paper from the bar.   
  
He studied the cartoon strip. You could have heard a pin drop in the silence. Then the apartment erupted. Annie announced that she had something really important to do and fled. Del followed her out the door at a run, mouthing 'sorry' at Caroline.  
  
"Richard?" She whispered his name. There was no reply and he didn't look up at her.  
  
Caroline cleared her throat and tried again. "Richard, I'm so, so sorry. It's just that I was having a bad day, my mom had called and asked about possible grandchildren again and I had no inspiration for anything new and Salty wouldn't talk to me and---" And you were on a date with someone else, she silently added.   
  
Richard held his hand in the air. "Please, Caroline. Don't bother."  
  
"But Richard, please forgive me. I don't know why I did it and there's really no excuse. I hate myself for it." She knew she was close to tears.  
  
"Caroline, drop the subject and let's just get to work." Caroline looked at his set face and knew after the many steps forward, they just had a major leap backwards.   
  
  
* * * * * * * *  
  
  
He colored in the strip without even thinking about what he was doing. It didn't take any mental effort and sometimes that was a good thing. Like today, for instance. Finding himself and his date the subject of a scathing cartoon did nothing to lighten his already dark mood. Not that his mood wasn't gray most of the time, but lately it was worse. He couldn't quite put his finger on the reason why.   
  
At least she hadn't drawn his nostrils quite so large this time. Still, immature pettiness was just not her style. That would be Annie, not Caroline. He wondered if she was going to sneak peeks at him all day with those big brown eyes filled with remorse. Since he could see her out of the corner of his eyes, it was quite distracting. Still, he wanted her to suffer for a while.   
  
He had really thought that date with Celeste would work out. They had seemed so much alike. Since he had found philosophy so interesting, their conversation had naturally gravitated to the subject. By the second hour, he had found his mind starting to wander. Shocking himself, he daydreamed about the last few Saturday nights at Caroline's place. It had been relaxing and he had let his guard down. He should never have stayed for dinner that first night. What a mistake. Well, he would make no more mistakes.  
  
He had seen Caroline in the restaurant as soon as they had stepped inside the place. He felt his eyes drawn to the back of the restaurant and there she sat. She was all alone and bent over something she was working at industriously. He felt a strong need to speak to her. Now he was embarrassed that he had done that.   
  
He just couldn't understand what was happening to him. A few years ago he could have discussed philosophic topics all night. That night it felt depressing. Halfway through the dinner, he brought up his grandmother and relayed some of the humorous stories that had had Caroline in stitches. Celeste just stared at him with pity in her eyes and asked him how his painting was developing. He had felt depressed again.   
  
What bothered him the most was not so much the cartoon itself but that Caroline had somehow captured his own impressions from that night. She had picked this up after meeting the woman for only a few minutes. He sighed quietly, noticing Caroline looking up at him again. He would not admit his failed date because then he would have to also admit that it wasn't so easy after all to get a date. To admit this after taunting both Annie and Caroline would be a fate worse than death. He could just picture Caroline smiling and Annie's scathing insults at his expense. No, he would gladly suffer and die than to admit they were right.   
  
So he would keep up the image of having a wonderful time and eventually he could 'end' the relationship and nobody would be the wiser. He looked up just in time to see Caroline quickly lower her eyes back to her still blank page. He knew she was feeling guilty because they were friends, certainly not because she actually cared about him. Maybe he'd let her off the hook tomorrow or even the next day. He could probably get a free lunch or two out of this.  
  
  
* * * * * * * *  
  
  
She headed down the street to the florist shop. It was a spur of the moment decision to treat herself to flowers. A big bouquet of them to cheer herself up after making such a fool of herself. A little bit of lost ground with Richard had been recovered this week but Caroline knew they had a long way to go. Opening the door, she ran into the very man of her daydreams coming out with a bouquet of his own.   
  
"Richard! Wow, those are beautiful." She smiled up at his hesitant face, wishing for all the world he had bought those for her. She knew better.   
  
"Hi, Caroline. I guess this is a popular place today. Del just left a few minutes ago." He glanced down at the bunch of flowers in his hand, not wanting to explain.  
  
Caroline hesitated. "Celeste will love those." Somehow, she hadn't figured the woman was the wildflowers type but maybe she had misjudged her.   
  
She hesitated again then pulled an envelope out of her pocket. "My agent gave me these. I want you to have them." She pressed the envelope into his hand. Richard looked puzzled.  
  
"Uh-" He indicated his helplessness with only one free hand.  
  
"They're two tickets for the Met next Saturday night. I haven't heard of this opera but I'm sure it's really good. Probably very depressing." She grinned up at him.  
  
"Caroline, I can't take these. Really, I can't." Richard was backing away a few steps.  
  
"Richard, I insist. It's the least I can do to make things right between us again. Please??"  
  
He looked at her sincere face and knew he had no choice. He rarely did with Caroline anyway. Now he would have to go on another date with Celeste. The big man upstairs was punishing him for lying, he just knew it.   
  
He tried one more time. "Caroline, this is really nice of you, but I'm sure you would enjoy these with somebody."  
  
Caroline looked down at the pavement. "No, I don't have anyone to go with and I'd rather you enjoyed the evening with someone special." When she looked up, he noticed that her smile didn't quite reach her eyes as it usually did.   
  
"Yeah, okay, thank you." He said softly. "Well, so, I've got to run. I have to deliver these."  
  
He waved to Caroline and headed for the subway. He didn't know that Caroline watched him until he disappeared from site down the subway tunnel.  
  
He had to hurry since he had a long way to go and he had to get there before the cemetery closed its gates. He was not going to tell Caroline where he was going because she would point out that she had been right after all and would insist on going with him. He wanted to do this alone. He had to.  
  
He looked down at the bouquet of daisies, snapdragons and delphinium mixed together. Just the smell of them took him back to his grandmother's kitchen with all the wonderful smells. He remembered when he was small he would lean his arms on the cold stainless counter, waiting for her to pull out a batch of cookies from the oven. She would have loved these. But now he had to say goodbye to her. It was time. He sat staring out the window as the train gathered speed.  
  
  
CONTINUED IN CHAPTER FIVE--  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	5. CHAPTER FIVE--WHAT A FEELING

Anyone remember the _Flashdance_ craze of the eighties?

CHAPTER FIVE--WHAT A FEELING

Continued from The Witch

"Del, are you even listening to me?" Caroline leaned to the left trying to land in his line of vision. He accommodated her by leaning in the opposite direction. 

"Del!?"

"Whoa, did you see that woman sitting by the door? Blonde hair, blue eyes and big-" His eyes caught Caroline's accusing ones at that moment. His hands had started to draw breasts, then quickly dropped back down to their table.

"-big hair. Really big hair." He finished lamely, attempting to look innocent.

They were sitting at a center table in Remo's for a late lunch at Caroline's request. Del had assumed it was just for business, which made for a boring lunch in his opinion. Even though they were no longer engaged, they were still good friends. He had to admit it was an unusual arrangement but that was Caroline for you. She was a special woman. 

Caroline rolled her eyes. Del was just so obvious and self involved. He had a nose that could sniff out every attractive woman within fifty feet of him. The man would never change. She had to admit there was some comfort in that. She wondered again, not for the first time, why she had wanted to marry him last year. She pushed her drier-than-usual lasagna around on her plate.

"Sorry, Caroline. I'm all yours. What did you want to talk about?" He gave the impression he was looking at Caroline but his eyes still managed to swivel around her and check out the blonde. It was a gift.

"I don't know how to begin. It's kind of embarrassing." She stopped, looking down at her hands in her lap. "Well, you remember when we were dating and engaged, right?" She laughed nervously. "Of course you do, how stupid."

Del blinked several times in confusion wondering where this conversation was going. He opened his mouth, couldn't think of any thing to say and shut it again. 

Caroline was rambling on. "-at least, I should remember if I did or not. I'm sure I did but Annie said I never did. I know it's past history and all but I need to know." She laughed hesitantly.

Del wrinkled his brow perplexed. "Need to know what, Caroline?" He was getting impatient. It looked like the sexy blonde was finishing her lunch, which meant she would be leaving in a few minutes. If he could get Caroline to make it snappy, he might be able to time his departure just right. Maybe he could accidentally run into the woman, which would lead to casual conversation. It was all in the planning. He had noticed from across the room that she wore no ring on her left hand. Once again, he thanked his lucky stars for purchasing that Porsche.

Caroline had taken a deep breath. "Didn't I tell you I loved you when we were dating?" She watched his face as she asked, looking for assurance.

Del didn't even hesitate. He was shaking his head as he answered. "No, don't think so. Unless you said it when I was sleeping." He grinned at her.

"But I'm sure I did, I know I did. Remember that time when we.. no, maybe not that time. How about the night you proposed? The night it rained?" Caroline felt encouraged until Del shook his head.

"Nope, not that night either."

Caroline looked shocked. "So I never told you I loved you? But we were engaged. We were going to get married." 

Del knew he wasn't the brightest guy around but even he thought this conversation was confusing. He noticed Caroline's crestfallen face. 

"Hey, Duf. Cheer up. It can't be that bad." 

"How can you say that? Didn't it bother you?"

Del shrugged. "Well, that's just you, Caroline. You're just not good with expressing your feelings. I knew you loved me. I figured you would say so eventually. Besides, I could tell when we had sex. It was great." He leered at her.

This was too much information for Caroline to wrap her brain around at one time so she grasped the one item that upset her the most. "But, but...I am good at expressing my feelings. I do it every day." She threw her fork down on the table in protest.

Del laughed. "Okay, then tell Remo what you think about his lasagna today. I dare you." He waited, tapping his fingertips on the table. A movement from the corner of the restaurant caught his eye. 

"Uh, Caroline. I suddenly remembered I have this thing to do. I'll see you later." Del jumped up and headed for the front door, just opening for the departing blonde. Watching through the plate glass window, Caroline saw him fall into step with the woman and head down the street. She had a sudden feeling of being completely alone. Maybe it was because the proverbial rug had just been pulled out from under her feet. 

"So, Carolina, how was your lunch today?" Remo was standing over her, hands clasped together in front of him.

Caroline hesitated only a few seconds. "Fine, Remo. Just fine. Thanks." She forced a smile.

"Very good, very good." He wandered off, yelling at a busboy to clean tables and leaving Caroline to ponder the reason why she was so afraid to express the deepest of feelings. 

"You gave Richard the tickets so he could take that witch to the opera? Caroline, you were supposed to ask Richard to go with you. What is the matter with you? Were you raised in Mister Roger's neighborhood?" Annie had staked out Caroline's sofa in her robe, reclining full length in her usual fashion. She had her daily cup of coffee balanced on her stomach. 

"I know, I know, I know. But he was so mad and I was just trying to make it up to him. I don't want him to hate me." Caroline started to chew on her lower lip. She had been sitting at her desk staring at Richard's empty seat and daydreaming. Since it was Saturday morning, she could sit here all day and stare. He would never know. 

All she could think about was Richard spending his nights with another woman.According to him, this woman was perfect for him. He never mentioned the woman's' name all week and in fact, hardly spoke at all. He didn't even rise to Annie's baiting. She sighed hopelessly. He must be crazy about her. 

And so her thoughts went in circles until she was dizzy. Her work was lagging behind schedule and her mood was as dark as the clouds that had been gathering in the sky. She walked over to the large picture window that looked out over the busy city street. Somehow it had turned into fall without her even realizing it. She had been so obsessed with looking forward to each Saturday night with Richard that she had not noticed the weeks disappearing into months. She realized that Annie had been talking.

"-with any luck, the transportation strike will start early and Richard and his date will be stuck on the subway, desperately trying to claw their way out, slowly running out of oxygen, their eyes popping-" Annie was grinning widely as she pictured the scene. 

"An-nie!" Caroline grinned back at her despite the vindictiveness. "What transportation strike?"

"God, Caroline, don't you ever read anything but the comic section of the paper? It's been in the news for days. It looks like we'll have to walk for awhile if they don't settle it." Annie yawned in boredom. This was about as intellectual as she wanted to get. 

Annie brightened, sitting up on the couch. "Hey, I know what you need, Caroline. When I get home from work, we'll go out and get drunk. I won't let you even think about Ritchie."

Caroline turned back to her window. "Sure, whatever, Annie." It wasn't like her to be so depressed. She would have to stop thinking about Richard and all the 'only-ifs' that had been plaguing her. . .only if she had realized ages ago how wonderful he was, only if she had turned to Richard instead of Joe when he returned from Paris, only if she had admitted to Richard that she wasn't in love with Del, that she was just desperate. . .Caroline stood looking outside and seeing nothing but her memories. Before she realized it, the room had grown dark.

"Okay, Salty, let's do something to waste time until Annie gets home." Caroline headed upstairs and over to her bedroom closet. She had put off cleaning that place for years. Maybe now it was time. It would certainly take her mind off other things. Depression never lasted long for her. Her natural cheerfulness always took over.

Digging her way to the back, Caroline found clothes, shoes and hats she hadn't seen in years. The local thrift store would be overjoyed with the stuff. A muffled giggle could be heard from behind the racks as she pulled out plaid pants, long granny skirts and cowboy boots she had bought as an impulse. She couldn't help the 'omigod' as she pulled out an old sweatshirt with a torn out neckline. 

"I don't believe it. My _Flashdance_ sweatshirt. Okay, the rest of it has to be in here somewhere," she muttered from the back of the closet. Caroline staggered out of the closet, dressed in her pink tights, gray sweatshirt and thick legwarmers. She doubled over in laughter at the sight of the eighties flashback in the mirror. She quickly sorted through her old tapes and found what she wanted.

The music from one of her favorite movies filled the loft. She turned up the volume as loud as she dared. Pointing a toe, she lifted one leg and spun around. She remembered when she was a teenager playing the song over and over, dancing until she was exhausted. She had substituted ballet steps for those of Jennifer Beals dance steps, turning, twisting and leaping to the music. Caroline could feel happiness flow through her again.

Richard knocked at her door. And knocked again. He knew she was home because the loud music announced it to everyone in the building. Maybe she was having a party but if she was, she would have talked about it all week. Maybe she had company but he doubted that. He hadn't seen or heard of any guy in her life since Dr. Joe, the vet. 

Since ringing the doorbell brought no response either, Richard pulled out his key. Entering slowly, he poked his head around the corner of the door.

"Hello? Caroline?" The first floor was empty. He realized the noise was coming from her bedroom. As far as he was concerned, that room was off limits. He stood at the bottom of the stairs listening to the music and what sounded like stamping feet. This was puzzling. Since he was growing concerned and time was marching on, he hesitantly climbed the stairs to her bedroom.

His first sight of her was amusing. She was leaping into the air, bending and flinging her arms in all directions. At least, this is what it appeared to be to a layman. He wanted to laugh out loud but managed to smother his grin. In the next few seconds, he noticed that Caroline was dressed in a sweatshirt with a torn out neckline revealing some cleavage and one beautifully shaped shoulder. That fact that she looked extremely sexy was not lost on him. He fought against the feeling, clearing his throat loudly.

Caroline spotted somebody out of the corner of her eye. She screamed in shock, backing into her closet and tripping backwards over the piles of shoes she had hauled into the middle of it. Richard waited patiently. A minute later, Caroline stumbled out with her hand on her heart.

"My god, Richard, you scared me to death." 

"Sorry about that. I knocked several times, really." He stopped suddenly, realizing the implication of standing in Caroline's bedroom with her actual BED right next to him. He tried not to think about it. "I needed someone to tie my tie." He flipped the end of the tie with his thumb and forefinger. 

Richard standing in her bedroom, looking undoubtedly handsome in his black tux. Now there was a daydream Caroline could use. She stood staring up at him with her mouth open. 

"Hello? Anyone home?" Richard asked.

"Um, you look really nice, Richard. You should dress like this more often." She had to laugh at the absurd thought. Richard echoed her thoughts.

"I'm not dressing like this to color in cartoons." He said dryly. "How about the tie?"

"It's very nice. Black's a good color on you." She teased him. Richard rolled his eyes and sighed impatiently. Smiling, Caroline reached up and tried to tie it with no success.

"Here, sit on the bed." She gently pushed him down on the mattress and climbed up behind him. Reaching around his neck, she started tying his bow. She had to lean close to him affording her the chance to smell his aftershave mingled. She tried not to think about the fact that she was close enough to kiss his neck. She idly wondered what his reaction would be if she had the nerve to do exactly that.

"So, Caroline, what were you doing up here besides trying to put your back out again so I would have to take care of you?"

"I started just cleaning out my overstuffed closet. But then I found this old outfit. Of course, I couldn't resist trying it on after all these years."

"Of course." He deadpanned, wondering where this was going.

"So then I couldn't help dancing."

"So that's what that was." 

Caroline had dropped one end of the tie so she started over. "I was dancing to music from a favorite movie of mine from high school. _Flashdance._ Ever watch it?"

"Never heard of it."

Caroline froze. "You're kidding. Wow, you missed a great movie. I'll rent it sometime and we'll watch it together."

"Oh goody." 

"Hey, you owe me for scaring me half to death and then expecting me to tie your bowtie for your date. It's the least you can do."

Richard just grunted and then cleared his throat nervously. "Actually, I came by for another reason. I was wondering if, by any chance, you might want to, well, if you're not doing anything tonight, if.." He stopped and licked his dry lips. Being in her bedroom and sitting on her bed unnerved him. Caroline had finished the bowtie, climbed down and was now standing in front of him. She looked at him enquiringly.

He started again. "Would you like to go to the opera with me? I know it's short notice since we would have to leave in thirty minutes, so I would understand if you said no. That would be fine. It was probably a stupid idea, so-"

"Okay." She answered, smiling at him. He couldn't help but notice her blushing cheeks that light up her usual light coloring. 

"Do you think you can be ready that fast?" His usual dry tone of voice was back.

Just as he asked that, Caroline realized how she must look to him. She could feel beads of sweat on her forehead and even more running down in rivulets between her breasts and down her back. She knew her hair must have been standing up in dirty tufts and was probably full of dust balls. Even as she moved slightly, she could feel two days of hair stubble on her legs catching on her tights. She started biting her lower lip in embarrassment. She nodded.

"Well, I'll just go downstairs and wait." He waved his arm in the general direction, backing up at the same time.

As soon as he left the room, Caroline burst into activity, peeling off her outfit and scouting through her closet for an appropriate dress. Why he wasn't going with Celeste never entered her mind. The only thing she felt was pure happiness. She and Richard were finally going on a date. Surely even he would consider this a real date.

Richard sat on the couch, wondering if he had done the right thing. Maybe he shouldn't overanalyze it. They were two good friends going to the opera. Period. That was all. God knows he had tried all week to ask Celeste out for the evening. But every time he dialed her number, he chickened out and hung up before she answered. Just the thought of spending the evening with her depressed him. Then he figured he would just go alone. He had done that most of his life, so this night would be no different. But that second ticket just mocked him. It would be a shame for a perfectly good ticket to go to waste.

Asking Caroline to go with him was not a last minute idea like he made it seem. He wanted to ask days ago but he didn't want her to get the wrong idea. He had already been sensing different vibes from her. Lately when she came over to his side of the desk, she had commented on something and laid a hand on his arm or shoulder. This touchy-feely part of her was happening more often. It just wasn't like her.

He walked over to the desk and sat at his chair, restless. Salty jumped up on the desk and sat, eye to eye with him. Richard glared back at the cat.

"What? I gave her thirty minutes to get ready. That's plenty of time." He said defensively. Salty just stared at him. Richard was the first to look away in exasperation. 

Caroline found one of her favorite black dresses. Made of silk, it fitted and flowed in all the right places. There was one good thing about having a time limit. It forced her to find a dress to wear without trying on half the closet. She rushed through her shower, cutting her legs only four times out of sheer nervousness. She looked in the mirror in approval. She did clean up nicely.

Since the opera was conducted in Italian, Caroline never understood one word of it. But the storyline of love found and then lost forever was obvious from the actions and emotions. Carried along with the story, she could feel tears of empathy for the main female character. This seemed to parallel her own life. After the final act, the lights came on. Theatergoers around them stood to file out, chattering to each other. 

Richard and Caroline just sat. Richard looked straight ahead, sensing she was upset and not daring to look at her. He reached into his pocket for a Kleenex. Caroline dabbed at the tears running down her cheeks silently.

"So, how did you like it? I thought it was good, excellent actually." He knew was just making conversation. 

Caroline just sniffled. 

"Are you okay, Caroline?"

She nodded. "It was just like my life. Everybody leaves. I'll probably end up alone at the end too. There must be something wrong with me." She whispered.

Richard turned towards her. "Caroline, there is nothing wrong with you. The guys that left you weren't right for you or they wouldn't have left. Just be patient. I'm sure things will change." He said softly.

He looked straight ahead again. "It was a depressing opera. Maybe we shouldn't have come." He stood up and held out his hand to her. 

Caroline sniffled again. "I bet you loved it."

It was raining softly as they exited the lobby and stood under the canopy. Throwing on their coats, Richard stepped close to the curb to hail a taxi.

"Won't do you any good." Commented one of the doormen. Richard turned to him in puzzlement. 

"They're on strike." The doorman added. He consulted his watch. "As of ten minutes ago." 

Caroline and Richard looked at each other. Luckily Caroline had grabbed her umbrella on the way out of the door. Richard pressed his lips together in frustration. Why did everything go wrong in his life?

"Richard, let's just take the train-"

"Nope, not running neither." The doorman answered. "No buses, no taxis, no trains, nada."

Caroline and Richard stared helplessly at each other as the rain increased in intensity. The air temperature had dropped drastically with the onset of fall. Caroline pulled her coat closer around her slim frame. The remainder of the theatre patrons had parted swiftly in all directions.

"Why don't you call Del? I know he only has a Porsche but at least you'll get a ride home."

"Del home on a Saturday night? You've got to be kidding. Let's just run home. Maybe if we run really fast, we won't get too wet." She grinned at him, her depression gone.

"Yes, maybe if we run fast, we'll outrun the raindrops." He was sarcastic once again. "Caroline, your place is ten blocks from here. And you're wearing heels." 

"I'll be fine. We can share this umbrella. Come on. It'll be fun, an adventure." Caroline popped open the umbrella and held it up towards him.

He sighed loudly to show his annoyance. "An adventure.." He repeated after her as he grabbed the umbrella handle and held it over them. They had to squeeze together in the center to stay dry.

"Now isn't this fun, Richard? We'll be home before you know it." She snuggled even closer to him as they walked several blocks.

"No, Caroline, this isn't fun. My pants are sticking to my legs and I swear my shoes have already shrunk one size. Maybe we should stop and get a cup of coffee to warm up."

"I'm not cold. It's a wonderful night. Come on out and play." Caroline was almost giddy with happiness. It felt like some kind of a release from all the tension she had felt for several months. Tonight had felt to her as she always thought it would. A night spent with her best friend and someone she loved. She wanted to tell him but something made her wait. Instead, she stepped out from under the umbrella and spun around on the sidewalk, arms outstretched as the rain pelted her. She hummed snatches of the tape she had listened to earlier.

_". . .what a feeling. . I can have it all. . ."_

"Caro-line." He emphasized the last syllable of her name as he always did when he was irritated or impatient. "You'll catch pneumonia and I'll have to take you to the doctor again."

Caroline stopped spinning and looked at him, wondering if he had ever found any fun or enjoyment in his lifetime. A heavy down pour immediately followed a sharp crack of thunder. Richard ran over next to her with the umbrella, putting himself between Caroline and the curb. A large truck drove by at the exact moment, hitting a large puddle near the curb and drenching Richard from head to toe.

"Richard, you really need to change out of those wet clothes. You'll be the one getting sick." Caroline ran around the corner of her kitchen into the downstairs bath for towels. Richard stood in the middle of the living room watching the ever-growing puddle around his feet. 

"I never get sick, Caroline." He shivered.

"Never, Richard? How can you go a lifetime and never get sick? I think you're a little overdue." She handed him a towel.

"It's been a challenge working around you." He sneezed. 

"Richard, it's all my fault. If you hadn't stepped over next to the curb, I would have been the one soaking wet. I feel really guilty."

"As well you should." He sneezed again and wiped his nose with the end of the towel. Caroline draped her towel over his wet head and pulled him towards her, drying his thick blonde hair. 

Richard held his breath as she gently rubbed his scalp. Their faces were closer than he knew they should be. He looked into her beautiful brown eyes just inches away and tried to distract himself with something disgusting, like..like.. yes, cock roaches. Black, squirmy multi-legged bugs. That should do it. He should be absolutely repelled by her.

He leaned in closer and gently touched her lips with his. Damn. 

He could feel her lips respond to his but he knew this shouldn't happen. This was too complex. He backed away, looking down at the ground.

"Caroline, I'm sorry. I didn't mean for that to happen. That was just stupid. I-I have to go home now." He dropped the towel on the floor, picked up the umbrella and fled. All the way home, he muttered to himself how colossally idiotic he was and wondered how much a move to Paris would cost him. He knew there was no way Caroline would just forget about what happened. She would analyze it to death and drag him into her debates. How could he have slipped up like that?

Caroline stood staring at the empty space that Richard had inhabited only minutes ago. She had wanted that kiss so badly. And gotten it. All she got out of it was Richard's face shutting down and being told a kiss was stupid. Stupid? Maybe she was stupid. 

Caroline wiped up the water on the floor, the only evidence that Richard had even been there tonight. Taking off her heels, she headed upstairs with her wet feet squeaking with each step. She peeled off her wet and now probably ruined evening dress and fell back on her bed. Staring at her ceiling, she relived the evening again including their _stupid_ kiss. Maybe this memory was all she would ever get out of their relationship after all.

TO BE CONTINUED IN CHAPTER SIX


	6. CHAPTER SIX--A BIG MISTAKE

  
  
CHAPTER SIX-A BIG MISTAKE  
  
  
He was going to die. There was no question about that. It was just a matter of time. Richard had been in bed since Saturday night and he still felt like the back end of a horse. His head and body ached with every movement. He wanted to die. The sooner, the better as far as he was concerned.   
  
Now it was Monday morning and he was due at work in an hour. But getting out of bed was the problem. He had tried it a couple of times but he was so shaky that he just ended up crawling back in bed. Maybe he would just stay there since he would be dead soon anyway. It would be easier for someone to find his body. He sneezed again for the hundredth time and dabbed at his sore, chapped nose.  
  
He thought about how his funeral would look. Everything draped in black and his artwork decorating the walls much like that faux funeral Caroline had orchestrated for Mr. Arabian. Only this funeral would be real, he consoled himself as he coughed up phlegm.   
  
At his real funeral, Annie would probably dance a jig or whatever Italians do at wakes. Caroline would cry. The thought of her crying over him bothered him a lot. Out of habit, his mind veered quickly away from her. Especially now after that Saturday night kiss that he knew he would live to regret. Somewhere down deep, he knew his subconscious had really, really enjoyed it. He wasn't supposed to. Instead, he thought about Del's reaction to his death. The guy would probably just worry about the funeral service cutting into his dating time or better yet, he'd use the occasion to pick up a date. And Charlie? Charlie was impossible to figure.   
  
So Richard lay there planning his death as the fever surely burned up the neutrons in his brain. Nobody would care. He wanted to stay here forever but he knew he had to get to Caroline's. She was so far behind schedule and she had a new calendar to start. She needed him to help focus her on the work. At least he was responsible.   
  
  
  
Caroline surveyed the numerous bags filled with old clothes from her closet cleaning. It had kept her hands busy all day Sunday. The job just didn't keep her mind from thinking about Richard, his kiss and his quick departure. It was nearly nine and she still had no idea how to bring up the subject without embarrassing them both. It certainly didn't help when Annie asked if she was sure Richard hadn't just tripped and fallen on her lips.   
  
Hearing a loud cough outside her door, she looked in that direction. Richard shuffled through the door, head hanging down dejectedly.   
  
"Good morning, Richard." She said rather nervously.  
  
"Since when?" He muttered.   
  
Caroline blinked several times. "Richard, are you sick?"  
  
He looked up at her through blood shot eyes. "No, I'm not sick. I'm dying."  
  
Caroline had to bite down on her lower lip to keep from laughing. What a typical man.  
  
"Now, Richard, I'm sure you're not going to die. You just have a cold. Probably from getting caught in the rain the other night."  
  
"Caroline, a person cannot catch a cold from being wet. You have to be exposed to a vi-, a vi-" he stopped, his head rearing back to sneeze.   
  
"A virus?" Caroline finished.   
  
Richard sneezed and grabbed his Kleenex to cover his nose. Caroline grabbed a full box of tissue and plopped it down on his desk.  
  
"Thanks." He mumbled.   
  
"Why don't you lay down on the sofa and I'll get you something for that cold." Caroline ran up the stairs and disappeared. Richard debated whether he should stay or go home to his own apartment. Caroline's place was definitely warmer and more comfortable. On the other hand, Caroline would hang around trying to cure him and asking too many questions, embarrassing questions. In the end, sheer exhaustion with the lure of the nearby sofa won over. He curled up on his side with his box of Kleenex at arms length.  
  
Annie bounced through Caroline's door, banging the door behind her and causing Richard to groan in protest. She peeked over the side of the sofa.  
  
"Oh hey, Ritchie, what's up? You look horrible. Worse than usual." She grinned at him. "Busy night, huh? No wait. That would be me." She chuckled.  
  
Richard shut his eyes tightly, ignoring her. She poured herself a cup of coffee and deliberately walked around in front of him.  
  
"Wow, are you really sick, Ritchie? I've never seen you sick before. I always thought you were an android. I guess this means you're human after all. Course that would depend on your version of human."  
  
Richard coughed loudly and wafted the germs in her general direction. She glared at him and then her face turned mischievous. "Hey, Romeo, I heard you puckered up for Caroline Saturday night. Didn't know you had it in you." Richard shut his eyes in pain once again. "So, did it leave you with feelings, strong feelings?"  
  
His eyes snapped open and he whispered loudly. "Shut up, Annie. Just shut up and leave me alone. Don't you have any respect for the privacy of others?"  
  
Annie snickered at the sheer stupidity of the question. "No." Richard started to argue then both went silent as Caroline returned, studying the label on a small brown prescription bottle.   
  
"Richard, I think this might help. They might make you sleepy though."  
  
Richard mumbled something deep and nasally. Caroline waved a thermometer in front of him. He reared back in horror.  
  
"Richard, you might have a fever. Just stick this under your tongue."  
  
Richard grabbed one of the pillows under his head and placed it over his face to hide.   
  
"Riii-chard." Caroline whined. He didn't move.   
  
"So, what's the diagnosis, Dr. Duffy? Hopefully the patient needs a lobotomy." Annie snickered.  
  
"He says he's dying." Both girls exchanged amused looks of understanding.  
  
"Really? Can I watch? I need a good laugh today." Annie rubbed her hands together.  
  
"Annie." Caroline had the warning tone in her voice. "Why don't we let Richard rest for awhile." She walked towards the door, grabbing her purse.  
  
Behind her retreating back, Annie pursed her lips together and threw Richard silent mocking kisses. He silently mouthed some selective swear words back at her.   
  
"I hope you'll be okay alone, Richard. I have to run some errands and take some sketch ideas to Del which means we'll go to lunch after that. I won't be back until this afternoon. Will you be alright?"  
  
"Yes, of course." Richard whispered setting off a spasm of coughing. Caroline looked at him with sympathy. "I guess this means you won't be getting much work done."  
  
Richard sighed dramatically. "I'll get up in a minute. Of course, with these dizzy spells I might pass out and hit my head on the desk or with these clammy hands, I might ruin a strip, but I can try."   
  
Caroline suppressed a smile and rolled her eyes upwards. "Never mind. I'll do them myself when I return. Come on, Annie, let's leave him alone." She grabbed a blanket and put it over him, resisting the urge to tuck him in and ruffle his hair.   
  
Caroline stood outside her apartment with Annie. She had wanted to talk to Richard about Saturday night but this was not the right time. It seemed like it was never the right time. She had a sudden vision of herself as an elderly woman, still trying to get up the nerve to talk to old and crotchety Richard.   
  
Annie stood in the doorway to her own apartment. "You sure you don't want me to look in on the dying boy in there?"   
  
Caroline laughed. "I know you'd love to irritate the hell out of him, but he's not in the mood."  
  
"So?"  
  
Caroline laughed. "But you have to agree he's cute when he's sick. Sort of like a wounded puppy that you want to take home."  
  
"More like a rabid animal, if you ask me. If you can still love a guy when he looks like that, you really do have it bad for him."  
  
Caroline just smiled at her and pushed the button for the elevator.  
  
  
  
Salty, lying across her mistress' desk was growing restless watching that man tossing and turning on her couch. And she knew just how to get rid of him. She jumped down from her perch, strolled over to the green sofa and casually leapt on top of him. She landed on his stomach, just lightly digging in her claws so he would get the message.  
  
"Owww, Salty, get down." He picked her up bodily and hoisted her down on the floor. "Get lost, cat."  
  
Salty stood below him, glaring. Richard glared back at her. "Go away and die, cat. Shoo." He said grumpily and waved her away.   
  
Richard had put off taking the pills Caroline had left for him. Surely he wouldn't need to drug himself. But with his sinuses completely stopped up, sleep was futile. So was breathing. He picked up the brown prescription bottle and struggled with the childproof lid just as another spasm of coughing racked his body. He managed to pry open the lid with force, throwing little white pills into the air. As he watched, they bounced and rolled under furniture and around corners.   
  
"Damn." Groaning again, he crawled down on his hands and knees trying to find them all. Salty joined in the fun, chasing rolling pills across the wood floor.  
  
"Salty, no. Bad cat." Bending over, the pressure in his sinuses proved too much for him. Finding all the pills he could readily see, he collapsed back on the sofa exhausted. He shut his eyes trying to rest. Dying certainly took longer than he thought it would.   
  
  
  
Richard woke later with his head splitting and his throat raw. He struggled to his feet and headed for the kitchen. His toe came into contact with something soft that shouldn't be in the middle of the floor. Groggily, he looked down at the sleeping cat. At least, she appeared to be sleeping. He figured she must be really tired if she passed by the chance to sink her claws into his ankle.   
  
"Uh, Salty?" He nudged her again with no response. In horror, his mind replayed the moments of the medicine bottle debacle.   
  
"Oh. My. God. Salty, please wake up." He stooped down and hesitantly grabbed a paw, shaking it. "Salty? Yoo-hoo. I was kidding about the dying thing." He knew this was bad. Real bad. It was just possible that he had killed Caroline's cat. He could just picture the look of near hate on her face when she looked at him and realized what he had done. He could not let that happen.  
  
He pressed his fingertips along her neck to find a pulse. He couldn't feel a thing. Where does one find a cat pulse anyway? A vet. He needed a veterinarian. His mind flashed to Joe, the only vet he knew. Unfortunately. The one guy he never wanted to see again, but this qualified as an emergency.   
  
  
  
"Excuse me. I need service now. I have an emergency, unlike this woman's dog with a skin rash." Richard had forced his way to the front of the line in the vet's office and was trying to catch someone's attention. The receptionist turned an impatient stare in his direction.  
  
"What is your emergency, sir?" The last word would have chilled anyone else to the bone. Not Richard.  
  
"I think this cat might be dead or dying. I need to see Joe. Now." He held up a large box with small holes in the sides.  
  
"Joe?" She repeated after him. "We have a Dr. DeStefano working here."  
  
"Yeah, whatever you want to call him. I need to see him now."  
  
"Sir, you have to fill out this form first and then wait in line for-"  
  
Richard pushed past the other clients and headed for the swinging doors in the rear. It opened to a narrow hallway with doorways branching off in both directions. He walked down the hallway, calling out Joe's name loudly as he went.   
  
Joe poked his head outside one of the doorways.  
  
"Richard?" This was the last person he thought would walk through the door.  
  
"I think I killed Caroline's cat." Richard stood in the hallway feeling totally helpless with the enormity of the situation. Joe took one look at Richard and waved him into one of the rooms.  
  
"Okay, do you want to explain to me what happened Richard, or should I just guess?"   
  
Richard pursed his lips together tightly. He had always hated this guy.   
  
"I spilled some pills on the floor and I think she ate one or some, maybe, I'm not sure. . ." His voice wandered off.   
  
"What kind of pills?"  
  
Richard pulled the brown bottle out of his coat pocket and handed it to Joe. He felt so humiliated in front of this guy.   
  
"Hmmm."  
  
"Hmmm, what?" Richard was getting impatient. And scared. He began pacing in the small room. "You have to do something, Joe. Salty and I have had our differences, but I don't want her to die. Caroline would never forgive me."  
  
Joe lifted a limp Salty out of the carrier box and laid her on the table. He poked and prodded and listened with his stethoscope.   
  
"Well?" Richard couldn't believe how nerve wracking this was.  
  
Joe slowly removed his stethoscope from around his neck and set it down next to the cat. He sighed deeply.  
  
"Wow, Richard, there's nothing I can do. It's too late." He bowed his head in sadness.  
  
Richard stared back in horror. Caroline would hate him. He did it again, ruined a relationship just by being himself. Would it never end?   
  
Joe raised his head and suddenly grinned. "Psych!" He doubled over in laughter at his own joke, smacking the stainless steel table with his hand. "Salty's fine. She's just sleeping it off."  
  
It took a few seconds for Joe's obnoxious sense of humor to sink into Richard's brain. His stare of horror turned to one of anger. He managed to contain himself but just barely.  
  
"Ah, Joe. You got me again. How funny." He deadpanned through gritted teeth. His knotted gut started to unravel with the good news that he wasn't a cat killer after all.  
  
"Come on, Richard. You need a sense of humor. I still think that living in the city turns a guy-"  
  
Richard held up his hand to stop him. "I don't need a sense of humor." He punctuated his statement with a loud sneeze. He pulled a soiled Kleenex out of his pocket and dabbed at his raw nose.   
  
"Hey, got a cold, Richard? Want me to check you out?"  
  
Richard backed two paces away. "No."  
  
"I am a doctor, you know." Joe casually flipped a chair around backward and straddled it with the seat back in front. "Training for a vet is similar to an M.D."  
  
"So you say." Richard looked suspiciously at him.  
  
"Still the same old Richard, I see. Still don't trust people."  
  
"It's worked so far."  
  
"I bet I can think of someone you trust." Joe reached over to a sleeping Salty and petted her affectionately.   
  
Richard watched him. "Are you kidding? I wouldn't trust her as far as I could throw her."  
  
Joe grinned at him again. "I was referring to Caroline."  
  
"Oh." Richard was caught off guard. He folded his arms across his chest defensively.   
  
"How is Caroline, anyway? Still beautiful and funny I bet."  
  
"Caroline is fine."   
  
"Is she seeing anyone right now?"  
  
"Why?" Richard was not giving anything away.  
  
"Just wondering. I know I blew it with her. But hey, you still have a chance." He watched Richard's stone face turn to puzzlement then to enlightenment.  
  
"Ahhhh, that's another one of your jokes. Funny." He didn't look amused.  
  
"Richard, why do you think I'm joking? I'm a sensitive guy of the nineties. I can sense these things. I think you were jealous of me." Joe spun his chair around in a full circle.  
  
Richard's eyes narrowed as he watched. He couldn't understand this guy's immaturity because he had never been that way even when he was young. And he could never ever understand Caroline's attraction to Joe. "Maybe I just hated you."  
  
Joe ignored the comment. "I always thought it was because I'm a doctor and you're the starving artist. But now that I think about it, income had nothing to do with it."  
  
"Yeah, why would a six figure income mean anything to me?" Richard muttered under his breath.  
  
Joe continued. "I think I got in your way but you wouldn't say anything to her because, because.." Joe spun his chair around counter clockwise this time, and then ground his feet down, coming to a halt. "Because you think you're not good enough for her." Joe noticed Richard's eyes flicker nervously and his tongue moisten his lips. "Aha, that's it, isn't it? I guessed it!"  
  
Richard pulled himself together. "Wow, Dr. Joe, the shrink." Sarcasm was the only way to deal with people. "You're way off, Joe. I don't have those kinds of feelings for Caroline. We're just friends. That's all."  
  
"Me thinks you protest too much." Joe was grinning and spinning again leaving Richard cringing with Joe's butchered rendering of Shakespeare. Richard wanted to slap him and send him to his room without dinner. Instead he grabbed the empty cat carrier box indicating he wanted to leave. Joe picked up the softly snoring cat and gently laid her back in the box. Richard picked it up and walked to the door. He turned around and grudgingly thanked Joe. It brought on an almost physical pain.  
  
"So, Richard, see ya around some time, okay?" Joe playfully punched Richard on the shoulder. Richard flinched. "Maybe the two of us can talk again-"  
  
"I've got to get back to work, Joe." Richard could feel the ache in his jaws from gritting his teeth for so long.  
  
"Don't worry about the bill, it's on me."  
  
"That's good, because I couldn't pay it."   
  
"Hey, Richard, good luck with Caroline," Joe teased. Richard made sure his face gave nothing away.   
  
  
  
Richard carefully colored in each board in the pile of cartoon strips left on the two-partner desk. As bad as he felt physically, the guilt for what he had done to Salty and by extension, Caroline, was even worse. Even though his eyes were watering and his head wouldn't stop pounding, he forced himself to finish the work so she wouldn't have to. It was the least he could do. As just a friend he reminded himself. He looked over at Salty. He had carefully draped her across the sofa, adjusting her limbs in what he hoped was a natural posture for a sleeping cat. He had decided he wasn't going to mention this whole episode to Caroline. Thank god the cat couldn't rat on him.   
  
Shortly after, Caroline stepped through the door. "Hey, Richard. I thought you were too sick to work." She dropped her purse and keys on the table and carried a deli bag into the kitchen. "I bought you something for that cold."  
  
Richard looked up from his concentrated coloring and watched as she brought down a bowl from a cabinet and poured something into it. Caroline carefully carried it over and set the fragrant smells in front of him.  
  
"Chicken soup." She stated proudly. "Just what a sick boy needs." She looked into his eyes and smiled sweetly. He looked deep into her eyes and what he saw scared him. Richard could feel his stomach churning with the closeness of her. He needed to end this now. It was the only way in his life. Avoiding certain future pain was his specialty.   
  
He looked down at the bowl for a diversion and mumbled his thanks. "You didn't have to do this. I'll be fine."  
  
"Wow, a few hours ago you were terminal. What was the miracle cure?" Caroline thought he would have gone home by now. She was happy he hadn't. She had this irresistible urge to comfort him. She placed her hand on his arm, feeling his warmth through the shirt sleeve.   
  
"I just decided to get some work done. Someone has to around here." He said accusingly and he realized, angrily. Caroline walked over to her side of the desk. He was obviously back to his old self. She watched him scoop soup out of the bowl.  
  
"Uh, Richard, I was wondering if we could talk about, you know, what happened Saturday night...." Caroline could feel her cheeks burning. She hoped he would just dive right in and say something. He stopped eating and was staring into the soup bowl. She took a deep breath. "Anyway, it was-"  
  
"A mistake." He finished for her. "That, uh, kiss was a big mistake. It was very unprofessional of me and it will never happen again. So, I apologize." He noticed his hands were shaking slightly and he couldn't look her in the eyes.  
  
"You apologize." she weakly repeated after him. "It was just a mistake." Caroline sat down heavily in her chair. "You never make mistakes, Richard."  
  
"Well, I did that time." He voice was raised slightly.  
  
"Or at least that's what you say." Caroline raised her voice level to meet his.  
  
"I don't lie, Caroline. It was a stupid thing to do." His voice level was rising.  
  
"Stupid? A mistake? No guy has ever said that to me. Maybe you just mean that I'm too stupid for you. Is that it?" She could hear herself yelling at him but just couldn't stop herself. Why did he infuriate her?  
  
"Maybe, Caroline, I'm just not as nice as those other guys you insist on dating." He was yelling back now.  
  
"What's that supposed to mean?"  
  
Richard strode to the door, grabbed his coat and jerked open the door. "Take it anyway you want," he replied icily and slammed the door. He just wanted to go home and hide from the world. Or hide from Caroline.  
  
Caroline stared at the closed door and now empty room with the palm of her hand over her mouth in dismay. Why did she let him get to her like that? Why couldn't she control herself? She stared sadly at his empty chair, feeling as if there was an ocean of misunderstanding between them that would never end.   
  
She slowly sank down on the sofa next to her sleeping cat. What stuck in her mind the most was what she saw in Richard's eyes. Fear. She could practically smell the fear and she knew she was good at that feat largely due to her years with Del. Well, she was a Duffy and a Duffy didn't give up. In fact, the more they were frustrated, the more they dug their heels in. There was a whole lot of tenacity in her family tree.   
  
She picked up a limp Salty to cuddle while she did some thinking. "Salty, I wish I could sleep like you."  
  
  
  
Author's note: Of course I couldn't put them together yet or the story would come to an end! Continued in Chapter Seven.  



	7. CHAPTER SEVEN--A CHRISTMAS TALE

I apologize for taking so long to write each chapter but real life is so busy. I posted this chapter on its own last year when I was uncertain where it would fit into my story so it will be a repeat to some readers. With a little tweaking, it fits in right about...here.  
  
[Author's note: This is a loose adaptation of Charles Dickens's 'A Christmas Carol'. If I have copied any other fanfic, it was unintentional and I apologize. Rebekah]  
  
  
CHAPTER 7---A CHRISTMAS TALE  
  
  
The fall days in New York became shorter and colder as they gradually blended into winter. Caroline and Richard carefully avoided any talk that included the words 'rain, 'opera' and 'kiss.' Caroline could still feel the hurt of his words that night. "It was a big mistake. It won't happen again" ran over and over again in her mind like a litany. She had decided that if he was that afraid of her maybe it would be better if she just backed off a little. So she talked instead of mundane, everyday safe topics, like the weather, which he hated and Christmas, which he equally hated.   
  
Richard actually lived through his cold, which surprised him. He just wasn't used to being ill. The first few days at work he couldn't bring himself to look up in Caroline's face but instead, concentrated on the coloring. He was still trying to figure how they had gotten to this place. It was those silly games or more precisely, staying for dinner at Caroline's. He could see how that innocent meal led to this current situation just by following the breadcrumbs backwards. Well, maybe the situation would remedy itself if he just backed off a lot, cutting out the small talk and just being unavailable. Nothing else. He was good at that. In fact, he knew he excelled at being unavailable. It was, after all, the Karinsky specialty.  
  
Gradually the tension in the air between them eased up as the stress of work and the holidays hit. Caroline began teasing him again and laughing at his sarcastic jokes. Richard, in spite of his resolve, found himself relaxing around her once again. He didn't want to admit it, but this woman was the only woman who could work on him this way. He told himself this meant nothing.   
  
  
  
  
Richard stood silently behind his door at the sound of the knock followed by his mother's voice. He debated whether he should open it or pretend not to be home. Considering she was a mother, biologically anyway, he figured she had x-ray vision and could see him standing there. He dropped his head in defeat and unlocked his door.  
  
"Mother." It was merely a statement of her place in his world. It held no affection out of years of habit and less than wonderful memories.  
  
"Richard, how nice to see you, dear. This is where you live? Oh, my. Why don't you move somewhere decent?"  
  
"Mother, what do you want? I'm on my way to work."  
  
"Oh yes, your little coloring job. How is Caroline, anyway? Here, I thought you might want this. I was cleaning out some old boxes." She handed him a large paper grocery bag.  
  
"I don't want anything from my past. You keep whatever it is. I don't need it."  
  
"Honey, these belonged to your grandmother. I remember how much you liked her. I just thought you might want a memento." She pulled out an object wrapped in newspaper. She quickly ripped off the paper and held up a crystal wine glass. It still had the delicately etched rose and gold edged rim just as he remembered. It instantly reminded him of his grandmother.  
  
Nana. She had insisted he call her Nana. She was the only member of his family that he had loved. When he was little, she would hug him and tell him how wonderful and smart he was. He would sit up on her kitchen stool listening to her stories and licking the mixing bowl. At holiday time when he was older, he would help her cook just so he could stay away from the rest of the family. Sometimes she would let him sneak a swallow of champagne in one of these very same glasses. Shhh, she would say, with her finger to her lips. It'll just be our secret. She was his refuge. God, how he missed her. How nice it would be if he could talk to her now about certain confusions in his life, especially about one particular red head. He sighed.  
  
"Thanks. I'm sure they'll fit in perfectly with my décor." He answered sarcastically.  
  
After his mother left, he carefully rewrapped the glass and shoved the bag in the corner against the wall.  
  
  
  
  
The bright red mechanical Santa sitting on Caroline's coffee table swayed its hips back and forth while "Jingle Bells Rock" emanated loudly from his fat belly. Richard just stood and stared at it expressionlessly.   
  
"Cute, isn't he?" Caroline asked with a smile, swiveling around in her chair.  
  
Richard shook his head and walked back to the desk. "Caroline, that miniature monstrosity is a symbol of how far our culture has degenerated. The idea of Christmas has sunk to nothing more than crass commercialism and monetary gain. This is the time of year when the advertising section of the newspaper is twice as heavy as the news. The Christmas decorations are put out before Halloween and everywhere the message is that you're supposed to feel love and goodwill just because it's the twenty fifth day of December."  
  
"Well, bah-humbug to you, too." She replied brightly. "He was just an impulse buy. Fifty percent off," she added with a laugh.  
  
"Oh, well, in that case, why didn't you buy two?"   
  
"Actually, Richard, I agree with you about the spirit of Christmas disappearing. Soooo..." she ran over to the kitchen counter and held up a video. "I rented 'A Christmas Carol.' I thought we could kick off early since its Christmas Eve. I even put together something to eat. How about it?"   
  
Oh no, not again. Richard got up from his chair and headed towards the door. "I don't think so, Caroline. I'm sure I've got something better to do than watch tiny Tim."  
  
Caroline pulled out a large platter of cheeses, deli meats, cookies and crackers and held it in front of him. Richard halted, glancing down at it.  
  
"Wow. Is that brie?" he asked, peering a little closer. Caroline nodded. Richard hesitated, debating. He would have to blame it on his stomach once again. "A Christmas Carol, huh?"   
  
"It's the version with George C. Scott, my favorite. I passed up Mr. Magoo's Christmas. I knew you wouldn't like that one."  
  
"You know me so well." He followed her over to the couch. One little video and food shouldn't hurt. He could still be unavailable afterwards.  
  
  
  
  
"Okay, movie's over. I'm out of here." Richard got up and picked up his coat.  
  
"Richard, why don't you come over for dinner tomorrow? My parents will be here and so will Annie and Del."  
  
"No thanks, Caroline. I plan on spending the day alone, painting." He was standing next to the door, pulling on the handle.  
  
"But you can't really want to be alone on Christmas. That's so depressing."  
  
"Maybe for you it is because you need other people. I don't."   
  
"Richard, everybody needs someone. Even you." She said softly. She debated pleading with him but one look at his set face and she knew it was useless to argue with him. And whatever happened to her resolve to back off for a while? Maybe she could make that her New Year's Eve resolution. "At least let me give you your Christmas gift. It was too big to wrap so it's upstairs." She started up the stairs.  
  
"Caroline...Caroline, no present. We agreed, remember? I couldn't afford anything this year because I didn't find a second job and my rent went up."  
  
"Richard, I got you something because I wanted to, not because I expected anything in return."  
  
Richard looked down at the floor and then up at her. Why did she have to make his life so difficult? Couldn't she just let him be?   
  
"No thank you, Caroline. See you in a few days." He walked resolutely to the elevator and pushed the button.  
  
Caroline stuck her head out of her door. "Hey, Richard." He turned around. "God bless us, every one." She mimicked tiny Tim and grinned at him as the elevator door closed. He just rolled his eyes.  
  
  
  
  
Richard stared at the blank canvas trying to find inspiration. His mind was just as blank. He rooted around in his kitchenette trying to find the bottle of wine he had opened a few weeks ago. One swig told him that it had probably been a little longer than that. Oh, well, it wasn't too bad. He sat on his bed, drinking the sour wine out of the bottle and thinking about Caroline. Most of the night he had felt her eyes on him. Maybe it was just his imagination because every time he turned to look at her, she appeared to be concentrating on the movie. But he had noticed this habit of hers a lot lately. He just couldn't figure out how to stop it.   
  
Even though it was early, he felt tired. Maybe it was the wine or maybe he was coming down with another horrible cold or even the latest influenza going around. Now that he had been sick once, he figured he was a sitting duck for all the other viruses out there just waiting to strike. He lay down on the bed, just for a few minutes, he told himself. Then he would try to paint again. He could feel the room spinning and tilting slightly clockwise. The wine was a mistake. He really just wanted to get up and be sick in the bathroom but he couldn't move. He could feel himself drifting off.   
  
Something bumped the chair in the middle of the room. He opened his eyes to find he wasn't the only one in his apartment.   
  
"Shelley?" He managed to gasp out her name and nothing else. She was clothed in a long, diaphanous gown with a gaudy, glittery crown stuck in her hair.  
  
"Hey, Richard. How's my ex-boyfriend? I've missed you." Shelley clapped her hand over her mouth, giggling. She moved towards the bed. Richard recoiled from her in fear. "Wow, I see you still have that angry yang. You should let me try that acupuncture on you. I've gotten better at it. I hardly ever hit a vein now." She stared at him wide eyed. "Richard, are you alright?"  
  
"Shelley, what are you doing in my apartment? How did you get in?" He said hoarsely and breathing heavily.  
  
"Sil-lly! How can you ask me that? You know I'm the spirit of Christmas past. At least" she giggled again, "that's what the boss told me. So, here's what I'm supposed to tell you." She reached into a pocket of her flowing dress and pulled out a piece of paper. Clearing her throat dramatically, she began, "I am the spirit of Christmas Past." She glanced up at him. "See, told you so."   
  
She continued. "I am here to escort you back in time to your own childhood so you can remember why you want to be alone and to show you what your life will become if you continue on the path you have chosen." She finished, sighed loudly and looked up again. "Okay, to do this, you have to hold my hand." She reached out to him. He didn't move.  
  
"You're so funny!" She cooed as if to a small infant. "Don't be afraid, Richard. It won't hurt a bit, I promise."  
  
"That's what you said about the acupuncture." He didn't know why but he reached up and grabbed her extended hand. She giggled again.  
  
"Shelley, did I ever mention that I was Jewish?"  
  
Everything was dark for a few moments then Richard found himself standing in a familiar room. Thirty children sat in neat rows facing the teacher at the front of the class.   
  
"Oh my god! It's my first grade classroom." Richard exclaimed.   
  
"Cool! It really worked." Shelley giggled again, highly pleased with herself.   
  
The class was in the middle of a question and answer session. One small girl was standing and taking her turn.   
  
"....a bicycle and a doll and a magic bake oven." She smiled broadly as the rest of the class applauded. The teacher looked around the classroom.   
  
"Now, who have we missed? Wait a minute...Ritchie Karinsky, it's your turn to tell the class what Santa brought you for Christmas." All eyes turned to one small blond headed boy wearing heavy framed glasses. The children sitting in front of him turned around and gave him their full attention. Someone snickered.  
  
"Let's leave, Shelley. Right now, please." Richard sounded a little nervous.  
  
"Shhh. I want to hear what he says."   
  
"Shelley, I've already lived through this once, why do I have to relive it?"  
  
"Did I mention that they can't see or hear us? Isn't that cool?" Shelley absently commented.   
  
The teacher repeated her question. "Richard, please stand up and tell your classmates what Santa brought you for Christmas." There were several moments of silence.  
  
Young Richard slowly stood up, his blond hair falling in his eyes. He impatiently brushed it aside and pushed his glasses higher up his nose with his index finger. He opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. His teacher began impatiently tapping one foot.  
  
Finally he spoke. "Nothing."  
  
"What did you say? I didn't hear you." His teacher was getting angrier now.  
  
He spoke up. "Nothing. I didn't get anything for Christmas." Amid the loud laughter from the other children, little Richard suddenly shouted, "I hate Christmas. It's stupid anyway."   
  
"Now Richard, stop that right now. Christmas is not stupid." His teacher was shouting, too. "I think you need to go to the principal right now."   
  
"Shelley, I want to leave NOW."  
  
Shelley was staring sadly at little Ritchie being led from the classroom. "Oh, the poor widdle boy. It wasn't his fault."   
  
"Yeah, yeah, Shelley. I got over it." Richard was looking away from the painful scene. Shelley reached out and took his hand. In an instant it was dark followed by blinding light and music. They were in a large living room. The place was full of teenagers laughing, dancing and eating. A few of the couples were scattered in dark corners, necking and groping. Richard knew instantly where he was.  
  
"Susan Johnson's Christmas party. I was a freshman in high school. I had a crush on Susan. I remember thinking that she liked me too when she invited me to her house. Until I found her in a corner with Bradley Dunton."  
  
"Richard, you big silly boy. Everyone has crushes."  
  
"But I made the mistake of telling Bradley. You should have seen he and the other guys laughing at me."  
  
As they watched, a young blond teenager with glasses and teenage acne hesitantly walked across the room towards a vivacious young blonde girl who was surrounded by her peers. Bradley, seeing this, moved from the other side of the room towards Susan. Putting his arm around her, he leaned down and kissed her. Young Richard froze. The expression on his face plainly showed his hurt.  
  
"As you can see, Christmas has not been a good holiday for me. All I learned was not to ever reveal how I felt about anyone. But all that is over. It doesn't matter anymore."  
  
"But..."  
  
"I know what you're trying to do. Just like Ebenezer Scrooge, I'm supposed to change my evil ways. Well, it isn't going to happen, Shelley. I just want to go back to bed. Now."  
  
"Okay, Richard. But you're just a big poopie head." She took his hand. Instantly, they were back in his room. Shelley glanced above her head.  
  
"Oh look! Mistletoe!" She giggled at Richard and said brightly, "Good-bye." She disappeared in an instant. Richard kept staring at the spot, expecting her to reappear. When she didn't he lay back down on his bed. He kept muttering to himself that it must have been the wine.   
  
As he felt himself drifting off again, he realized two things. One, there was no mistletoe hanging in his apartment and two, he still thought Christmas was stupid.  
  
He just needed some sleep. He turned over and curled up on his side. Suddenly, someone was tugging on his arm. He opened his eyes, sat up in shock and immediately pulled a sheet up to cover his bare chest.   
  
"Mrs. Spadaro? Where did you come from?"  
  
"Dear, just call me Angie. I came from Paramus on the number 2 bus, then a transfer at..."   
  
"I meant, how did you get in my dream?" he interrupted her.  
  
"Well, I just don't know for sure but maybe it's because you really need a mother. You know what, I should make you another lasagna. You're looking a little too thin. And I bet you're working too hard. I'm a mother, I know these things." He wasn't sure what the psychological meaning was behind his dreaming about Angie Spadaro. He didn't want to know.   
  
"Oh god, it must have been the Brie. That stuff is just too rich for me. Maybe if I just shut my eyes and think of something else, my dream will change." He muttered to himself.  
  
"Now, Richard, I can't go away just yet. I have a job to do. Part-time but the pay is pretty good. I need the money to pay for my own apartment. I can't keep living with Annie. Do you know how many visitors she has?"  
  
"I have a small idea. So what is your new job? Doing my laundry again?"  
  
"My new job is to show you the Christmas of the present. So, dear, hold my hand and we'll be on our way."  
  
Richard held out his hand in speechless amazement.   
  
Everything went dark. In the next second, Richard found himself in Caroline's brightly lit dining room completely decked out with Christmas decorations. Her table was loaded with turkey and all the trimmings. Del was sitting on one side apparently with a date, Annie on the other side and Mr. Duffy was at one end, sharpening a knife in preparation to carve up the turkey. Mrs. Duffy and Caroline were bustling around her kitchen putting together last minute details.   
  
"It's too bad I had to work tonight. I was invited you know." Angie sniffed.  
  
Richard moved back around the corner as if to hide.  
  
"Don't worry, dear. They can't see or hear us."   
  
Caroline and Mrs. Duffy walked back into the dining room with several more dishes and sat down. Annie reached up and lit the candles. Mr. Duffy immediately started a blessing for the food. Everyone bowed their heads while Del groped his date's leg under the table.   
  
"So Caroline, where is that assistant of yours? Robert, Ronald?" Mrs. Duffy was searching her memory for his name.  
  
"Richard, Mom. He said he had other things to do today. I did invite him." Caroline looked a little sad as she stared down at her plate.  
  
"Well, I hope he's spending it with his family. A person needs family, I always say. Don't you agree, Bill?"  
  
"Sure thing, dumpling. Okay, who wants a leg? Caroline, do you want white or dark meat, puddin'?"  
  
Del was helping himself to sausage and sage dressing. "I'm glad Richard didn't show up. He's a total drag to be around. A real mood killer. I bet the guy has no friends."  
  
Annie chimed in. "He doesn't want any friends. He's a loner. I say let's just let him be alone and enjoy dinner without him."  
  
"Richard is not a bad person to be around. He's just ...different, that's all. I think, underneath that cynical exterior, is a very sweet and sensitive man. I think he has a lot of possibilities if he just..." Caroline paused, not sure of what she wanted to say. She was conscious of everyone staring at her and she still wasn't eating anything.  
  
"If he just had a lobotomy?" Annie finished for her. "Sounds good to me." Del laughed.   
  
Mrs. Duffy just shook her head in sadness.   
  
"My Annie doesn't really mean half the things she says, you know. And Caroline...she always sticks up for you doesn't she? I'm sure she's in love with you."  
  
"No, Mrs. Spadaro, she's not in love with me. You only said that because this is my dream and I wanted you to." Richard said sadly. "Annie and Del are right. I have no friends. I don't trust anyone and probably never will. It's better this way."  
  
"Just because you had a unhappy childhood and have always been alone, doesn't mean you have to be alone all your life. Things can change, dear."  
  
Richard just shook his head. "Could you take me home? I really need to get some sleep tonight."   
  
Mrs. Spadaro looked concerned. "Oh dear, I hope I did my job right. I mean, I wouldn't want to be fired or anything." She began clucking her tongue and speaking in Italian.  
  
"Mrs. Spadaro, Mrs. Spadaro, Angie..." Richard finally got her attention. "I'm sure you won't lose your job. I just want to go home, okay?" Angie reached out and grabbed his hand. Immediately darkness surrounded him. As he stared, his eyes adjusted to the darkness and familiar objects in his own room replaced his vision. He sighed in relief. Maybe he was having a mental breakdown. Not that anyone would care if he did. He lay back down on his bed hoping for a dreamless sleep this time.  
  
A door slammed.   
  
Richard bolted upright in bed. The woman standing next to him had dark curly hair and an expression to match. The elevator lady. At least, that's how he had mentally labeled her. He never knew her real name. She was Caroline's neurotic, sullen and man-hating upstairs neighbor. They always seemed to meet in the elevator. If he was dreaming about her, he must be downright masochistic.   
  
"Hey. You. Wake up." She was standing with her arms crossed, glaring at him and kicking the end of the bed with her foot. Richard was speechless. Even if he wasn't, he wouldn't have had a chance against this woman.  
  
"I'm the ghost of Christmas future, yada, yada, yada. Let's get this over. I don't have all night, ya know. Do you think I enjoy this?"  
  
Richard was still speechless.   
  
The elevator lady muttered to herself. "Does anyone really care if I have to work the night shift? No. And why should Shelley get to work the early shift anyway? Why is she so special? I'll tell you why. She kisses up to the boss, that's why. Typical man...what a sap." She snorted angrily, stamping her foot.  
  
Out of all this run-on torrent of complaints, Richard confused brain managed to fixate on one thing. "You know Shelley?"  
  
"Look, I'm already behind schedule. Let's go. Unfortunately we have to hold hands for this." She shuttered and extended her pinkie finger with distaste. Richard hesitated. He wasn't sure which he feared most, going anyplace with the woman or facing her anger when he refused. He chose to go, gingerly holding her finger. Anything to be able to sleep the rest of the night.  
  
The surrounding darkness was immediately replaced with dim lighting in a small room. Chairs were set up facing one end of a room tastefully decorated with pastel wallpaper and navy blue carpet. Floral bouquets were located by several doors. Richard took all this in in one glance but it was the object located at the far end of the room that caught his full attention. A large expensive looking casket lay with its top open. Numerous bouquets and floral arrangements surrounded it as well as original paintings. Richard felt as if his feet were rooted to the spot.  
  
"Look, can't we just get this over with? I've got better things to do than pull you around by the hand."  
  
Richard gulped. "No, I can't look. It can't be her. Please no."  
  
The elevator lady was getting impatient. "How come I get stuck with the wimp?"  
  
She pushed Richard in the direction of the casket. He half stumbled down the aisle. With an unspeakable dread, he slowly approached the coffin. To his surprise, he was looking down at ...himself. Well, the deceased was himself but maybe in about another ten years or so. There was graying around the temples and wrinkles on his face that were still in the future.   
  
He looked around the empty room. "When does the service begin?"  
  
"It already has." The elevator lady was examining her nails and looking bored.   
  
"But where is everybody?"  
  
"This is it. I read that you finally became famous and made a lot of money but lived alone. I guess you never had any friends. If you ask me, friends are definitely over-rated."  
  
Richard looked shocked. His funeral and no one bothered to show up. Suddenly the rear door opened. A familiar figure walked slowly down the aisle towards the coffin. It was Caroline dressed in black, looking older and worn. The sparkle and happiness he always associated with her was gone and had been replaced with weariness. She slowly approached the coffin with tears running down her cheeks. She stood over his body for some time, then reached out and laid her palm against his still cheek.   
  
"Richard..." She whispered and couldn't say anymore.   
  
Richard couldn't stand her unhappiness. It wasn't right. Caroline should never have to feel this way, especially about him. He stepped closer to her. "Caroline, it's okay. I'm not dead. This is some kind of stupid joke. Please don't cry." Caroline just stared down at his body.  
  
"She can't hear you, remember?" The elevator lady snorted with disgust. "What a moron."  
  
Caroline turned and sat down in a chair in the first row. She sat and cried even harder. "Why did you have to leave?" she whispered. Richard had never felt so helpless.  
  
The rear door snapped open again.   
  
This time, a well-dressed gentleman strode down the aisle towards Caroline. He stood over her, glancing only once towards the coffin.   
  
"Caroline, what's taking you so long? You know I have a surgery to perform in the morning and the children are waiting for you at home. Let's go." He sounded impatient.  
  
Caroline looked up at him in tears, nodding her head.   
  
"Why are you crying? I thought you got over that jerk years ago." He said angrily. "Come on, I said let's go." This time he griped her roughly by her upper arm and pulled her towards him and up the aisle. Caroline gave one look behind her and then disappeared through the door.   
  
"Wow, she married a doctor. Probably with a six figure income, too. She couldn't have done any better." The elevator lady managed to look jealous and respectful at the same time.   
  
"Yes, she could have." Richard commented sadly.   
  
"Hey, there's nothing else out there. Believe me." The elevator lady turned around and headed up the aisle after them. "I'm outta here. I've got things to do, like find a date, get married, have kids, get a huge mortgage I can't really afford..." Her voice wandered off.   
  
"Hey, don't leave me here. Take me back. I don't want to be left alone." Richard said to her retreating back but to no avail. She kept walking away. "Hey, I mean it, I don't want to be alone. Can you hear me?" He was yelling at the top of his lungs now. He rushed after her but something caught at his feet and legs, entangling him and pulling him towards the coffin containing his still body.  
  
  
  
  
"Hey, buddy, I'm sure the whole building can hear you and we don't care. Shut the hell up." The pounding coming from the next apartment stopped. Richard found himself flat on the floor next to his bed, his sheets wound around his ankles. The early morning sun managed to sneak one ray through the neon sign hanging across his dirty window and into his eyes, temporarily blinding him. He slowly untangled himself. It was morning.   
  
He had somehow made it through the night in one piece. And he was alone. Just as he wanted. He sat on the floor in the middle of his apartment and listened to the silence. The once comforting absence of sound now bothered him. He could feel the walls closing in on him, smothering him. He thought of Caroline. He knew, without a doubt, that she would be a life long friend if he wanted her to be. Would that really be such a bad thing? He couldn't think of one other person in his life that could make that same claim. It was trying to separate the friendship from the strong attraction he felt for her that was the hardest.   
  
Wondering what day it was since he felt like Rip Wan Winkle, he cautiously opened his door and walked over to a neighbor's apartment. He looked down at the newspaper lying in front of the door to find the date. December 25th. He gave a sigh of relief. He hadn't missed Christmas day.   
  
Back in his apartment, he picked up the telephone and dialed Caroline's number. A recording telling him that all circuits were busy played in his ear. He needed to see her anyway, to make sure she was all right, to see her smiling face. He quickly changed clothes. He had his hand on the doorknob when it suddenly occurred to him. A gift. He needed to take her a gift. He wanted to give her something. But nothing was going to be open on Christmas day and even if a store was open, he had no money.   
  
He looked around his room desperately, his eyes falling on the bag in the corner. He ran over and pulled it out into the center of the room. Kneeling down, he removed the five glasses from his grandmother that still remained intact. Removing the newspaper from one, he held it up in the low lighting. Twirling it between his thumb and index finger, it caught and reflected the light back across the room like rays of fire. Perfect. He knew she would love them.  
  
Rewrapping it in the newspaper, he searched around for a box big enough for all five. Finding just what he needed, he dumped out the paints and brushes on the floor and repacked it. He stared down at the ugly box. Wrapping paper, he needed wrapping paper. Looking around again, he smiled to himself. Yes, perfect. He wound the paper around the box just so and fastened it with a length of twine. He looked at the box with satisfaction and left his apartment.  
  
The walk to Caroline's was long and cold but he didn't mind today. He could only picture her desolate face soaked with tears and it made him hurry. Arriving at her building, he stepped in the elevator just as the elevator lady did. They looked at each other and Richard stepped back from her as far as he could into the corner. She crossed her arms and eyed him disdainfully up to the second floor. Richard flew out of the elevator on the second floor, swearing he would take the stairs from now on.   
  
Knocking on Caroline's door, he rocked back and forth nervously waiting for her to answer. The door opened, framing her in the opening. At first surprised, she now smiled up at him, her eyes sparkling. Dressed in a faded oversize sweatshirt with a smudge of flour across one cheek and not a bit of makeup, she looked absolutely beautiful. He felt overjoyed that she was her usual self but carefully kept his expression blank. Just like he always did.   
  
"Richard! Hi. Is everything alright?" Now she was concerned since a visit from him was decidedly unexpected.  
  
"Um, yeah. Fine. I just, uh, wanted to come over and ..." Richard was searching desperately for the right thing to say. "...give you this." He handed her the box.   
  
"Wow, Richard, I don't know what to say. I didn't expect anything. It's really nice to see you today." She wasn't looking at the present, just at him. Suddenly she remembered how she was dressed and looked self-conscious.   
  
"Oh, I guess I should change. I got up early to put the turkey in the oven for dinner."   
  
"Caroline, you look fine. Why don't you open the present?"  
  
Caroline walked into her living room with Richard trailing behind. She set the present down on the coffee table and took a closer look at it. She laughed out loud at the sight of the Sunday comics wrapped around a box. Her 'Caroline in the City' strip was prominently displayed across the top of the package.   
  
"I love it. This is great." Smiled up at him again as she unwrapped it. Reaching into the box for one of the glasses, she unwrapped the paper around it and held her breath. Both watched as she twirled the stem of the glass between her thumb and index finger, the captured light throwing thousands of rainbows around the room.   
  
"Oh, Richard. These are beautiful. But..." Her looks of awe were replaced with confusion. He understood without hearing the question.  
  
"They belonged to my grandmother. She passed away several years ago and my mother gave them to me. I want you to have them." He hesitated for a moment. "Merry Christmas, Caroline."  
  
"Richard, I can't take these. They're part of you, part of your past."  
  
"I want you to have them." He repeated himself. "I can't think of a better place for them."  
  
The way she looked at him made him tingle right down to his toes. He cleared his throat nervously, looking in all directions but hers.   
  
"Well, I guess I should go home now."  
  
Caroline started. "No, don't go, Richard. I have something for you." She ran quickly up the stairs. Coming back down was slower, since she was struggling with a large easel and a wooden box. Richard looked at them with open-mouthed surprise. She caught his expression.  
  
"I saw you looking at this in the window of the art store one day." She explained a little embarrassed. "I hope you like it." He opened the wooden box, revealing a full set of brushes and paint tubes. She could tell by the look on his face that he loved it.   
  
"Please stay for dinner, Richard. There will be a lot of us, but it shouldn't be too awful. Please stay. I want you to stay today, okay." She was begging again.  
  
"You sure you have room for one more at the table?" His question took her completely by surprise. She hadn't expected him to give in so easily.   
  
"Yes, of course I do." Caroline put her hand around his and looked up into his eyes. Every time she touched him, he felt a sudden terror mixed with something else. He had to back away out of this. He needed to breath.   
  
"So, what are you making for dinner?" Richard had pulled his hand away, jumped up and was sauntering towards the kitchen. Caroline followed him.  
  
"Well, I was just starting the dressing for the turkey. What do you think, allspice?" She held up a small spice container with a grin.   
  
"Here, let me." Looking slightly disgusted, he picked up a knife and started chopping celery. "I need fresh basil, parsley, anything but no allspice."   
  
"Yes, sir." She said with amusement and reached into the refrigerator for the ingredients. Laying them on the counter next to him, she stepped back, smiling and watched him take over her kitchen.   
  
  
Continued in Chapter 8 


	8. CHAPTER EIGHT--THE FUN GUY

CHAPTER 8---A FUN GUY  
  
  
  
"Richard, I just don't understand why you have to be so difficult."  
  
The object of her attention looked up from his diligent coloring and frowned. "Difficult? Why am I being difficult if I don't want to do what you want me to do? It's my right." He looked up in time to notice the look of exasperation on Caroline's face.  
  
"But-"  
  
"No." He finished using the crimson red pencil and reached for the cerulean blue.  
  
"I thought you had a good time on Christmas day. At least, you looked like you enjoyed having dinner with the rest of us, except for teasing Del and his date."  
  
Richard looked at her, debating his next words. "Okay, Caroline, you're right. I did have a good time on Christmas day. Happy?"  
  
Caroline grinned. "I knew it. So why don't you want to come to the New Year's Eve party?"  
  
"Because I already had a good time once this year. I hit my limit."  
  
Caroline stared at him in disbelief. "You only allow yourself one fun event every year-"  
  
Richard was nodding his head in agreement. Caroline just shook hers and tried again.  
  
"The guy giving the party is a new tenant and he wants to get to know his neighbors so he's throwing a combination 'getting to know you' and a New Years Eve party. It'll be fun." She threw her enthusiasm into it. "He lives in the penthouse and I hear he has plenty of money."  
  
"Oh goody." Richard deadpanned. Great, just what he needed. One more successful person thrown in his face to show Caroline what a colossal failure he was.  
  
"There'll be free food." Caroline enticed him. "I hear he's having it catered."  
  
"Who's having it catered?" Annie had slipped in the door and as usual, into the conversation.  
  
"Hi, Annie. I'm trying to talk Richard into coming with us to the New Year's Eve party upstairs."  
  
Annie groaned. "No, don't do that. He'll just ruin it for the rest of us," she protested. "I planned on having a great time, if you know what I mean. We don't need Mr. Depression throwing a blanket over our fun."  
  
A mischievous twinkle entered Richard's eyes. "Count me in, Caroline. I'd love to come." He smiled gleefully at Annie's irritation.  
  
  
  
After scouting through her closet, Caroline settled on the sexiest black dress she owned. It was short without being too short and had a deep v- neckline that somehow managed to give the allusion of cleavage with the little that she actually had. The soft velvet clung to her curves and accentuated the glow in her eyes. She stared at her reflection in her long mirror, wishing that Richard might just notice her sexiness tonight and respond to it. Yeah, and pigs could fly.  
  
Caroline stepped downstairs and found Richard and Annie already waiting for her.  
  
"Wow, Caroline, you look great! Doesn't she look great, Richard?" Annie was jabbing Richard in the side. He was well aware of how great Caroline looked but the secret was to not show that he was aware of it. This was a tough act with Annie's almost constant teasing him about it. He just knew she couldn't keep that love letter of his a secret forever.  
  
"Yeah, sure. Let's go, I'm starving." He had quickly covered his admiration with his usual dourness. He didn't miss the disappointed look that crossed her face. That rather surprised him. Surely what he thought about her looks couldn't matter that much to her. Or could it? He shrugged off the idea and led the way to the elevator.  
  
"I'm glad you decided to go to the party tonight, Richard. This will be fun." Caroline smiled sweetly at him. Annie's upper lip curled and her eyes rolled.  
  
"I don't plan on having fun, Caroline. I'm going to eat and leave. It'll be a short night for me." He could see Annie's eyes light up and her mouth open with an intended insult. "Shut up," he aimed at her.  
  
  
  
The door to the penthouse stood open revealing groups of people standing around. The sounds of tinkling crystal and china accompanied with loud laughter emanated from its interior. Richard, flanked by one woman on each side, halted in his tracks. Fear hit him as it always did when in large crowds. He started to whip around when Caroline grabbed an arm and started to propel him towards the door.  
  
"Come on, Richard. You can do it."  
  
"Caroline, I've changed my mind. You know I'm not a people person. This is torture to me."  
  
Annie heard this statement and gleefully grabbed his other arm, pulling him inside the door and into the crowds in the center of the huge living room. They stood under an enormous crystal chandelier that had to be authentic judging by the reflections of the light cascading into multitudes of rainbows across the room. The interior was splashed with gold on tables, chairs, lamps and picture frames. The over done French Renaissance gilded style was combined with fifties art deco, the two styles clashing violently. Over at one side of the room they spied a modern black leather sofa grouping with chrome end tables. The three of them stood in the center of the room, staring open mouthed around them.  
  
"Oh my god." Caroline whispered.  
  
"Wow, I guess your place doesn't look so bad after all." Richard aimed this at Caroline. She turned to retaliate and he was nowhere to be seen.  
  
Caroline followed Annie over to the wall of windows at the far side of the room and pointed out the view.  
  
"Wow! You can see half of New York from up here. Isn't this wonderful?" Caroline couldn't believe that this view was from her own building.  
  
"Hmmmph. I think my view of a brick wall is much better." Annie paused, then mused, "I wonder if the guy is married?"  
  
"Where do you suppose Richard disappeared to?" Caroline was starting to worry and couldn't rid herself of a sudden gut feeling of having made a big mistake tonight. Her eyes roamed across the room looking for a familiar tall blonde with glasses.  
  
"The wuss probably ran away."  
  
  
  
Richard immediately noticed the art displayed on the walls and made a beeline for one side of the room, forgetting all about the promise of food. He stood studying one large painting with its own spotlight.  
  
Richard was enjoying this evening more than he thought he would. He had noted the classical music as soon as they entered the apartment and his expectations rose one notch. Now he stood admiring the owner's art collection and knew the evening wouldn't be a total loss.  
  
"I don't see a glass of champagne in your hand." This statement was followed by a fluted crystal glass handed to him.  
  
"I'm not much of a drinker." Richard started to explain as he looked into a pair of kindly brown eyes belonging to an older man.  
  
"That's okay. Neither am I." His eyes crinkled at the corners when he smiled. "My name's George." He reached out a hand to Richard. "I see you're enjoying my art collection."  
  
Richard smiled back. "Richard and it's wonderful."  
  
"So, you're an art lover?" George sipped his champagne and Richard followed suit.  
  
"Actually, I'm an artist." Richard watched George's eyebrows shoot upwards. "A starving artist since I've never been discovered," he added quickly and almost apologetically.  
  
"You mean, haven't been discovered yet, don't you?" George corrected him.  
  
"That would be optimism. I have no first hand knowledge of the concept." Richard laughed bitterly.  
  
"I believe in it. I think it takes optimism to be successful. At least, it seems to work." He raised his arms to indicate his surrounding wealth. "Maybe you should try it."  
  
Richard stared at the man. "You must know Caroline," he stated dryly.  
  
George's eyes twinkled. "Follow me. There's something I want you to see."  
  
  
  
To take her mind off the missing Richard and the plans she had fantasized for the evening, Caroline headed for the food table. She was admiring the huge display of lobster, crabs, caviar, out of season fruits and cheeses. A waiter pushed a glass of champagne into her hand. She hesitantly tasted something that looked like a miniature puff pastry with some dark mystery substance in the center. At least it tasted better than the caviar. When it came right down to it, she actually liked regular food better. Looking at the lobsters, she had the strangest feeling that those beady little eyes were staring back at her.  
  
She concentrated on eating to avoid eye contact with a tall, skinny guy with greasy straight brown hair who had been watching her. She couldn't believe what a lousy time she was having tonight. New Years Eve was special, at least, it was supposed to be and now she might as well be alone. Except for the skinny greasy-haired guy who was following her.  
  
Just then, a loud laugh erupted from the other side of the room that sounded suspiciously like it might belong to Richard. Since she hadn't heard him laugh much, she couldn't be certain. She wove her way through groups of people until she reached the opposite side of the room and stared at a small group of women surrounding Richard, an apparently tipsy Richard.  
  
One of the women must have said something witty because he was bent over laughing uproariously. Watching him with them brought back vivid memories of high school when she was kept outside the loop of the popular kids. She didn't like it back then and hated it now.  
  
Caroline was so mesmerized by the scene she didn't hear Annie slip up next to her.  
  
"Caroline, isn't this the best party? See that hunky blonde guy-"  
  
"Yeah, I'm watching him right now and it looks like he's having way too much fun." Caroline hadn't taken her eyes off Richard. Now the blonde bimbo on his right was caressing his arm. And those were obviously silicone. At least he had the grace to look embarrassed.  
  
"Caroline, have you lost your mind? I'm not talking about Ritchie." Annie looked horrified. Hearing a sound from her friend, she asked, "Did you just whimper?"  
  
"Annie, why is he smiling so much?" Caroline whined and bit her lower lip. Why couldn't he smile that much when he was with her?  
  
Annie rolled her eyes upwards. "Caroline, you have to let the little baby birdies grow up and fly out of the nest." She looked over at Richard who was apparently having a good time. She sighed dramatically. "They grow up so fast, don't they?"  
  
Annie watched Richard and the small enclave of women surrounding him. "Wow, all those women attracted to Richard and you and I are standing here alone? This is too freak'n backwards." They watched Richard smile timidly at the women, then down half a glass of champagne.  
  
Annie snorted. "Well, there's your answer, Caroline. He's drinking like a fish and probably hasn't eaten a thing. This otta be entertaining."  
  
  
  
Richard was astounded at George's private art collection. He was shown painting after painting, each displayed prominently with its own spotlights. Eventually he was led into a library with its own elaborate alarm system where he sat and stared at an original Matisse. This night was getting better and better. He couldn't wait to tell Caroline what he had seen.  
  
Richard knew it was only because George exaggerated about his success as an artist that had the women hanging onto every word he said. One particular woman brayed obnoxiously at anything coming out of his mouth. She kept rubbing up against him like a cat, making him nervous enough to gulp down another glass of champagne. He was starting to feel lightheaded from the alcohol but he was so much more relaxed. In fact, he was so glad Caroline had talked him into coming to the party tonight. Maybe he was more of a people person that he thought.  
  
Richard looked up from all the attention, trying to find Caroline in the crowded room. He wanted to show her that he was more of a fun guy than she realized. It wasn't often that so many women noticed him. In fact, women never noticed him. He swung his head around to scope the room and everything in the room dipped, swayed and spun around. Maybe he should have eaten something.  
  
The stacked blonde next to him giggled again and handed Richard a glass of something so fruity he could hardly taste the alcohol but he knew it was there. He absentmindedly sipped it while still searching for Caroline. It suddenly dawned on him that she may have met someone and left. In fact, it was probably a safe bet since she seemed to be so lonely lately. She certainly hadn't been dating so maybe she glommed onto the first guy that asked. He sighed irritably. Feeling thirsty, he downed the rest of the drink. Well, maybe she wouldn't be the only one getting lucky tonight. He smiled down at the blonde, trying to ignore her inane chattering.  
  
Sometime during the last hour, half of the neighborhood had found the party and were squeezing into the room, driving up the temperature to sweaty and unbearable. At the far end, Caroline was standing at the food table, blindly grabbing food and piling it on a plate. She tried to make her way over to Richard through the crowd but was pressed into surrounding party crashers, pushing the plate of food against her chest. She yelped but no one even looked at her.  
  
Muttering to herself, she picked off the pieces of food from her dress, not wanting to think about the cleaner's ability to clean it and that's when she heard it. The singing. Loud off-key singing that sounded like it came from a karaoke player. Caroline pushed her way through the rest of the crowd, stepping on toes and elbowing anyone in her way.  
  
Richard was in the center of the commotion and it appeared, was leading the singing. Caroline stood open-mouthed at the sight of Richard, obviously drunk, swaying side to side, eyelids drooping and singing YMCA. This was a side of Richard she wasn't familiar with. She also knew she better get him out of here or he would make her life miserable for weeks.  
  
"Hey, Richard. How're ya doing?" She touched his arm and he almost lost his balance. He recovered and grinned at her, his eyes not quite focusing on her.  
  
"Heeeyyy, Car...Car...Car-line." Richard slurred over her name. "Are you having fun too?"  
  
Her eyes widened in concern. "How are you feeling, Richard?"  
  
"I freell great." He pointed his index finger towards her nose and missed, hitting her cheek. "You look verrry pretty. Who's going home with you tonight?" His glazed gaze traveled up and down her body. From anyone else, this would have been offensive.  
  
Caroline's mouth dropped open. "Maybe I should take you home, Richard. Why don't you take my arm?"  
  
Richard squinted in thought. "But if I take your arm, what will you do with only one?" He looked over at the others and roared with laughter at his own joke.  
  
Caroline smiled patiently. "Come on, Richard. Let's go downstairs and I'll make you some coffee. Okay?"  
  
Richard shook his head obstinately, the movement throwing his balance off again. "I can't leave my friends. They wan' me ta sing." He turned around and staggered back to a group of people. One woman handed him a microphone and turned on the music. Caroline watched in shock as he downed a shot of whiskey, cleared his throat and began singing. Since he didn't know the words, he hummed through most of it.  
  
"I don't believe what I'm seeing." Annie had slipped up next to her. "Ritchie smiling and singing. Where's a video camera when ya really need one?"  
  
"Annie, I think we should take him home—"  
  
"What for? Let the guy have a good time for once in his life."  
  
Caroline looked over at her in surprise. Since when did Annie ever support Richard? This evening was full of surprises. Caroline opened her mouth to argue when the countdown for New Years was started. She looked around desperately for Richard but he was lost in the crowd of hysterical partygoers.  
  
The countdown ended. Everyone was kissing everyone else. Drops of champagne were raining down. In the middle of the ear splitting confusion, Caroline felt completely alone. Suddenly through the crowds a grinning Richard appeared in front of her, his blond hair tousled.  
  
"Happy you near!" He shouted, then grabbed her and kissed her hard. When he let her go, which was too soon in her opinion, he grinned down at her. She reached out to him but he grabbed Annie and kissed her too. He disappeared into the crowd again.  
  
She cringed and waited for Annie's predictable outburst but instead heard, "Hmmm, he's not a bad kisser for a geek."  
  
"Annie, let's find him and drag him downstairs before he hurts himself or something."  
  
Annie sighed dramatically. "Okay, it's better that we leave before they start singing Funky Town. I hate that song."  
  
The two pushed their way through drunken partiers and flying confetti, trying to locate the lost Richard. When they finally spotted him, one of the women had him pinned against the wall, both of them laughing. Caroline ran up to them.  
  
"Excuse me." She elbowed the other woman out of the way, who promptly fell on her butt.  
  
"Wow, way to go, Caroline. I'm so proud of you." Annie turned to the blonde on the floor. "Get lost."  
  
"Care-line, there you are," he slurred. "I wan' you to know tha' I am a fun guy. Ask anyone here." He waved his arm around the room and lost his balance. Caroline grabbed him around the waist to steady him.  
  
"Whoa. The room keeps moving. Make the room 'top moving, Care-line."  
  
"Sure, Richard but first I think I should take you home-"  
  
"No, Care-line, I don' think so." He argued vehemently, shaking his head back and forth. "I think I shou' go home now."  
  
Caroline bit her lower lip to keep from laughing. "Okay, Richard. That's a good idea. Let's go." They walked side-by-side slowly towards the door, Caroline's arm around Richard's waist and his arm draped over her shoulder. At this point, he was almost dead weight. Annie stood watching them with amusement.  
  
"Do you mind, Annie? I could use some help here." She grunted under Richard's weight.  
  
"Yeah, yeah, okay, but you owe me." Annie grabbed Richard from the opposite side and he dropped his arm over her shoulders. "I can't believe I have to touch him. Richard, if you actually pick up your feet, we might get somewhere." Annie puffed.  
  
Richard stopped abruptly. "Knock, knock."  
  
"Come on, Richard. You're so heavy." Caroline wailed. They were still down the hall from the elevator.  
  
"Knock, knock." He insisted.  
  
"Oh for pete's sake, 'who's there?'" Annie said.  
  
Richard chuckled, then hesitated. "I don't remember." He looked crestfallen.  
  
"That's okay Richard."  
  
"Bu' I learned this funny joke—"  
  
"Come on, big guy, move your feet. What a way to spend New Year's Eve." Annie wanted to grind her teeth. All three shuffled together onto the elevator, Richard still muttering about being a fun guy. Caroline had to stretch to reach the elevator button for the second floor. Richard's weight had her pinned against the back wall. Several other couples joined them.  
  
"I wan' you two to know tha' you are the best frien's I have-" He burped loudly. The other couples laughed.  
  
"Oh god, kill me now." Annie muttered under her breath.  
  
"-I don' know what I would do without you guys-" His voice became thick with emotion. "-I guess I would be all alone again." He sighed loudly. He suddenly looked at the others in the elevator.  
  
"They really are goo' frien's. They put up with a lot from me." He hiccupped. "'cept for Del. He's a moron." He stated matter-of-factly.  
  
"Out of the mouth of babes." Annie stated. The elevator pinged at the fourth floor and it emptied, leaving the three of them.  
  
Annie looked over at Caroline, which was tough to do since Richard swayed between them. "I say we go up to another floor, any floor, dump him off and jet back down to the second floor. It'll take him hours to find his way home. Maybe even days." She gurgled evilly.  
  
"Annie." It was all Caroline had to say. In one word she could convey all her irritation.  
  
Annie just fixed her eyes on the lit up floor sign above the door. "Yeah, I know. You have feelings for the guy. It's starting to be a drag."  
  
"Shhh. Not in front of-" Caroline gestured at Richard, who was humming to himself.  
  
Annie snorted. "Do you really think he can comprehend anything right now?"  
  
Richard started to giggle. "I can't leel my fips." He was smacking his lips together experimentally.  
  
"When are you going to say anything to him anyway?"  
  
"When I decide to, Annie." She said defiantly. "So far, he thinks I'm pretty and a goo' friend. It's not very encouraging."  
  
Annie made no comment. She knew Caroline well enough to know how this must hurt.  
  
"Hey, I learned a new song ta'night and I know all the words." Richard slurred proudly. "Wanna hear it?"  
  
"Sure, Richard."  
  
Richard cleared his throat. "Ninety nine bottles a' beer on the wall, ninety nine bottles a' beer. Take one down, pass it round, ninety eight—"  
  
Both girls groaned. "-bottles a' beer on the wall. Ninety eight bottles a' beer on the wall, ninety eight bottles a' beer-"  
  
"You would have to encourage him, wouldn't you, Caroline? Can't you get Elvis to shut up?"  
  
"-take one down, pass it round, ninety seven bottles a' beer on the wall-" His voice went up an octave.  
  
"At least he's a happy drunk."  
  
The elevator pinged and opened on their floor. Richard drew a deep breath.  
  
"Ninety seven bot-"  
  
Annie interrupted him. "Two, Richard. Two bottles. You lost count."  
  
Richard stopped and screwed up his face in confusion. "Oh." He started over. "Two bottles a' beer on the wall, two bottles a' beer-"  
  
Caroline juggled Richard while she searched for her keys in her purse. She opened her door and Annie practically shoved them inside.  
  
"-beer on the wall."  
  
"Okay, my job here is done. You're on your own, Caroline." She laughed wickedly.  
  
"But Annie, can't you stay and help me with him?" She was suddenly afraid of this alternate personality deep inside of Richard's body. She was used to the cynical, morose Richard, knew his thoughts and reactions to just about everything. This Richard was new to her.  
  
"Nah. I have enough dirt to embarrass the guy for a least a year. Bye." She threw a wave in the air and skipped out. Two seconds later, Annie reopened the door and stuck her head through.  
  
"You know, since he's so drunk, you could even-" she made a gesture, grinning.  
  
"Annie! I can't believe you would suggest I take advantage of his condition." Caroline was more irritated than shocked. This was not turning out to be the night she had planned.  
  
"Well, it's not like he'd remember." She shut the door again.  
  
As soon as Caroline turned around, Richard stepped in front of her. "Wanna dance?" he slurred. "We never danced ta'night." He grabbed her arms and swung her around several times.  
  
"Wheeee." Caroline couldn't help herself. Now she was having more fun. Richard pulled her close and led her around the living room, twirling them several times and ending with a dip.  
  
A serious look came over him. "Care-line, there's somethin' I need to tell you." He stopped and rubbed his bloodshot eyes. "Iss important. Iss verrry important. I-I-" He stopped, face pale, staring off across the room.  
  
"Richard?" They were still standing next to each other.  
  
Richard placed a hand on his stomach and groaned. "I think I'm gonna be sick." He whispered. "Oh no." He ran stumbling around the corner, heading for Caroline's bathroom, slamming the door behind him.  
  
She followed him part way and then stopped, listening to the noise of his retching through the door. She sat down and waited for a while. Occasionally he let out a groan. Still he didn't come out of the bathroom. The evening was just getting better and better. She picked up the television remote, clicked on an infomercial and watched a woman hawking face cream.  
  
What was he about to tell her? That he loved her, or that he thought of her as a sister, or that he wanted to quit working for her, or maybe he won the New York Lottery, or he was an alien from Mars, or maybe he was a serial killer? Caroline gritted her teeth in frustration and threw her remote across the room.  
  
Finally she couldn't stand it any more and approached the bathroom door. "Richard?"  
  
There was silence. Finally the door clicked opened. Richard slowly walked out, obviously concentrating on placing one foot in front of the other and only staring at the floor.  
  
"I am sure I need to apologize for this evening. I don't really remember why, but I think I need to. I'm afraid if I do remember everything, I may have to kill myself," he said slowly and deliberately.  
  
Caroline wisely decided now was not the time to tell him he kissed Annie. She was sure Annie would remind him as soon as she could anyway and many times over, making his life hell as usual.  
  
"I'll go home now, Caroline." He took a deep, steadying breath, still swaying. He still hadn't looked at her. "Thanks for everything. I think."  
  
Caroline grabbed one of his arms. "No, Richard, you can't go home now. I doubt you'd find an empty cab tonight and besides, it's snowing. You'll freeze. Just sleep here on my couch."  
  
She expected him to argue and head for the door as usual, but instead he turned and dropped down on the couch. "Okay," he whispered, "just for a little while." He swung his legs up and dropped his head on one of the throw pillows.  
  
"I'll get you a blanket." She ran upstairs, grabbed an extra blanket out of her closet and ran back down. In the two minutes she was gone, the fun guy had fallen asleep and was snoring softly. She gently removed his glasses and then his shoes. Pulling the blanket across him and tucking it under his chin, she softly kissed his forehead.  
  
"Happy new year, Richard." She whispered.  
  
Caroline couldn't help feeling so protective of him. It just felt natural. She wondered just how long she would wish the feelings would be reciprocal before she finally gave up on him. She slowly sank down on her high backed chair and brought her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around them. Resting her chin on her knees, she watched him sleeping, wondering if they were growing closer or if it was just her wishful imagination. Sometime later, she felt her neck snap as she realized she was falling asleep in the chair. She wandered upstairs, knowing Richard would wake early and be gone before she got up.  
  
  
  
To be continued. . . 


End file.
